'cyclopedia

I have a new bad habit: Wikipedia, (the online, user-contributed encyclopedia)

It used to be editorial sites, but I finally learned that no great ideas ever came from an editorial, so I stopped reading them. Nothing is ever solved, no one's mind is ever changed. They wasted a lot of my time, (at work), got me irritable, and made me question the sanity of humanity at large. Well, I always questioned the sanity of humanity at large.

I start reading a topic in Wikipedia, (at work), and follow the related links. Where I end up, (at the end of the day), is far removed from the original article. My mind just roams, and absorbs information. I start with just a curiosity, but it feeds off itself; I get addicted and lose track of time.

Frankly, I could make a game out of it:

- Name two random topics
- See if I can find the shortest connection

Maybe I should start a contest on here, (if there is enough interest).


Now I've found Uncyclopedia, a parody of Wikipedia. I could explain both in more detail, but give them a look. Uncyclopedia is worth a few cheap laughs, and if you don't like it, shut up and put your money where your mouth is and make your own contribution!

Adult Male Bovine Stool

Recently, as you might know, I started my own business with a couple of other people. It's a marketing related company, which is strange for me, since I am such a jaded person regarding that industry. I can't stand empty business speak, so when I came across this article, I got a good laugh. It's not specifically about business euphemisms, but it had this great mockery of them:

"We have them [business gurus] to thank for needing to be proactive and think outside the box while we play hardball, simultaneously applying best practice to pluck the low hanging fruit and deliver client-focused solutions that give us win-win, result-driven, value-added bottom lines. But none of that will happen if we are out of the loop and fail to exploit synergies while touching base going forward." - John Humphrys

I currently work in a corporation, and I hear these phrases strung together on a regular basis. Sometimes, they are just empty, meaningless farting of the mouth. Managers bullshitting themselves through the bullshit someone with more authority told them, (of course, "We have no fucking idea why we are losing money," doesn't sound good on a financial statement).

Most of the time, they are an actual euphemism for things like offshoring or layoffs. In meetings, I often find myself muttering the true meanings of the bullshit shoveled my way. I'm an adult, they can be honest with me. No matter how well the true meaning is entangled in a euphemism, we all know the core truth. The only thing a euphemism does is show that the speaker:

A) Wants to manipulate the audience
B) Does not respect the intelligence of the audience
C) Is not intelligent
D) Is a corporate hack
E) All of the above