The Brown Sound in Surround

Yes, it's that time again!

I was working at my desk, trying to organize my day, when I realized I had to go to the restroom. Bad. As you know, I don't look forward to this. Everything was going fine, until someone entered the stall to my left. "Oh great," I thought, "time to hurry up and finish!" Unfortunately, I wasn't ready.

You know that feeling where you're pretty sure you are done shitting, but you don't feel comfortable yet to wipe your ass and leave? That feeling, where if you get up, you might have to come right back? Well, I had that. Usually, I think it is due more to muscle strain, rather than a pressure in the chute, (a warning of things to come). I know that the last comment was "too-much-information", even for me, but you know what I mean! It's just this undeniable, instinctual voice going, "Hold up there partner, I wouldn't be puttin' on your draws just yet!" (Yes, the voice of my bowels sounds like John Wayne, probably due to the toilet paper.)

So I was stuck. Of course when my neighbor sits down, it shakes my toilet. I don't know why it does that, but I find it disturbing! Even if I hold my nose, and close my ears, that shake reminds me that I don't have any privacy.

In the corner of my eye, I see his foot under the stall. Great, I even have to be reminded of his presence with my eyes. I ignore it, and avert my eyes. Then the horrible sounds come, the kind that make you realize that the guy on the other side of the thin wall needs to eat more fiber. If Hell had an orchestra, it would be the trumpet section.

Then the trombones came in. Yes folks, we had a grunter! Grunting and breathing heavy like a fat guy running a marathon. To make matters worse, my eyes were drawn back to his foot. Your peripheral vision doesn't transmit much color or shape information to your brain, but it's great at detecting movement. I instinctively look over, and see his right foot press down on the floor with his toes, the movement of someone trying to reach for something too high. I though it was just a random movement, until I realized it was synchronizing with his sounds. This guy was struggling, I almost thought he would start saying, "Who does Number Two work for!?"

Too much information, but that's exactly my point. These are pretty private details that your co-workers should not know about you. I then realized I know what his shoes look like. I don't even give people's foot attire much noticed, but I'm afraid that today I might subconsciously do just that. Not wanting to know who it was, but not being able to help my curiosity.

Then someone enters, and goes into the stall to my right. Shit luck.

Did the guy to my right have to go that bad, or was he just that comfortable completing a bathroom trifecta? Then he starts, and I realize he had the same breakfast burritos as the guys to my left. This is what I call, "The Brown Sound in Surround."

Why would I put myself in a situation to set up a BSS? There are only three stalls: the one on the left has a weak door latch and is nearest to the urinals, the one on the right is one of those funky handicap stalls, and the one in the middle is juuust right. Well, except for the BSS potential.

If I still wasn't ready to go, it didn't matter after the guy to my right started. I finished up, and got the fuck out of there. It ended up that I did return later, thankfully, in peace and privacy.