The Wall is Hurting My Head...

Back Again

2008-05-20T13:02:00.003-05:00

Man, it's been awhile since I have posted here. I suppose I'm blogging again on a regular basis, but I'm making no promises, no formulas.

Let's see, what's happened.. last time I posted I was working for a mortgage company. Well, they went belly up (with so many others), but frankly, they had their heads firmly up their asses. Got a new job, relatively quickly, making more money. Better job, more responsibility, not quite as crazy. I'll post more details later.

Oh, and my wife and I are having a baby.

Not sure why I am writing an update like this, I doubt any of the people from before will stumble across it. I only started up again because someone I knew did. That, and to get some writing exercise. God help me, I'm trying to write a book or novella. Not trying to publish it, don't really want to, just want to see if I can do it. It's been something inching inside me for a while.

I know a few people who do the MySpace thing, but damn, I find it boring. Maybe I'm just anti-social, but I don't think that's (exactly) what it is. It just doesn't seem to center around writing, just posting goofy shit. It's the Internet's version of the bathroom wall. Maybe I'm missing something, but I like this kind of blogging better.

Oops, forgot...

2007-07-27T16:04:00.000-05:00

I meant to post this link a week ago, but forgot: http://news.independent.co.uk/world/americas/article2758838.ece

It's another sad reminder of what Dubya will do suppress science and logic in favor of a misguided party line.

I haven't been posting much lately, a little overwhelmed. Just so much going on, I forget to blog. I need to write about what is going on at work, and why I need to move on. Also, I'll probably throw in what happened at my last job.

Where'd Everyone Go?

2007-06-28T17:34:00.000-05:00

Looks like almost everyone I knew through blogging has disappeared. One of them has become a "real-life" friend, and a good one at that, so it isn't a total loss. But man, the old scene is no more! Guess I should expect it, given how long I've been gone, but some of them have been gone for quite some time.

Maybe as bad, is that my BlogRoll is quite stale, and I forgot my credentials in order to change it. I'll figure something out, no big deal, but I still find it kind of funny.

At this point, I have to admit to myself it won't ever be the same. Very few, if any, people will probably read this blog. I'm not sure if it is sad or liberating (in some way). To be honest, I was never one for reading other people's blogs, unless they had drama going on in their life or if they were exceptionally entertaining and informative.. and that person is the friend mentioned above. So, if you read this, and you have a blog like that, let me know.

This is some Blade Runner shit, right here!

2007-06-20T16:30:00.000-05:00

You got to check this site out:

"Our software takes a large collection of photos of a place or an object, analyzes them for similarities, and then displays the photos in a reconstructed three-dimensional space, showing you how each one relates to the next."

My current job in IT is a bit bland and stall, but after looking at what these people did with their computer time, I'm more than jealous - I'm depressed. What do I have to show for my work at the end of the day? Nothing like this, I know that! I know there was a team of people behind this, but damn, they make me look like a total dumb ass in comparison!

But in one way, it did make me feel better, (besides being suitably impressed). The subject matter for the demo happens to be St. Mark's Square in Venice, Italy. I went there last year, and it made a lot of great memories come flooding back.

I'm back...

2007-06-19T11:08:00.000-05:00

Been a long, long time, must mean I need to switch jobs again. Not sure why I came back, but I feel compelled to for some reason. Haven't been reading into politics as much, lately. So many bricks find their way lodged into my skull that you will have to forgive me for no longer making a hobby of bashing my head against the illogical and insane.

All this is owed to working in IT. You realize the futility in making the world a logical place. Or maybe it is owed to the movie Idiocracy, that I feel this way.

I suppose I can spout off about the plastic, or (at least) ambiguous, nature of truth. But lets be honest, when the world is struggling with logic, (at least lately), talking about truth is a bit presumptuous.

Yes, you may be a dreamer, and you may not be the only one, but it is going to be an awfully long nap time before the world you imagine comes to fruition. I think I'll concentrate on damage control, trying to prevent this country, and world, from turning into a bad rip off of 1984. Or maybe Idiocracy is a more likely scenario.

I know, I'm being cynical, but that isn't exactly new.

So what now? I'll probably not be posting about politics. While you can try to feed your neighbor, the world may be a bit too lofty. While the world (as a whole) probably has the capacity to easily care for its downtrodden, it assumes competency, (see above). While we have it in our means to cure the world of common diseases, ensure peace, invent new.. well, you get the idea, it's a long shot.

But I guess I do have one "cause" that always pulls at me: freedom. What you do with your freedom, well, that's up to you. Of course, there is even a debate into what freedom entails. But the one thing you can't debate, (though, given this freedom, I guess you could), is the freedom to question, and to communicate this questioning. That is the start of many things, (including logic). We take it for granted in America, though, there are places around the world where that freedom is a dream. And there are those in this very country that are chipping away at this right, each and everyday, right before your eyes...

Okay, maybe I'll talk about politics a little.

Oval Office Hunting

2006-02-13T22:13:00.000-06:00

What do Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney have in common?

They've both shot someone in the face.

I (unfortunately) thought that one all up by myself. Later, I will finally tell the lost tell of my unemployment, and re-employment. Until then, imagine Dick hunting with Monica, and imagine a better world. Sleep well, you'll need your rest.

In The End

2006-01-01T16:53:00.000-06:00

I've been out of the whole blogging thing for a while. A lot of shit went down, but in the end, it all worked out. I have a new (and better) job, and life is going good. The year 2005 sucked, but it looks like 2006 is going to be much better, (knock on wood).

Not sure what is next for this blog. Not sure who is still out there reading, or what I have to say. We'll see.

The End

2005-11-18T19:20:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm officially fired. And on this same day, I blow a promising interview by missing my airplane by a couple of minutes. I'm a fuck up.

I can't talk much about all that has happened in the past couple of months. There's a lot of pain, and a lot of territory to cover. I'll have a lot of "free time" now, (besides job hunting, my "side business", and cleaning and cooking), to devote to writing. Maybe it will be this blog. Maybe it will be a new beginning for this blog, maybe it will die.

But I won't die, I'm still Alive, yea, ye, yea, ye, yea...

Oh, and I had a German beer so thick and potent, you have to fucking chew it, so I'm a little drunk. And I'm cleaning.

Stay busy, best way to avoid hating yourself.

The Shit Hits the Fan

2005-10-19T20:24:00.000-05:00

No, this isn't a "Stall Wars" post, (though, it might make a decent title). The shit really has hit the fan. That's why I haven't posted in a while, and why I won't be posting for a little while longer. Work is bad, and I have to work my ass off. If I am not careful, I could very well lose my job.

Through it all, something in me has changed. It took something very painful, and someone very essential to me, to wake me up to reality. While my complacency might be shattered now, it might be a little too late.

The self-reflection can come later. Right now, I have to be disciplined and uncompromising with certain aspects in my life. I hope I have the strength and determination to make up for my flaws and previous mistakes. But no matter what happens, this can't be a phase, it has to be a change in my life, (and it is only the beginning).

I will write about it all in the end, I just hope I have a happy ending to write.

Spam Spam Spam

2005-10-04T12:02:00.000-05:00

I don't like spam. Then again, who does?

I finally turned the word verification on the comments on. Not sure why I delayed it, maybe I thought I would get less comments if I did, I don't know. But the comment spammers finally got to me, having to delete a couple every few days.

They are a bunch of brainless, greedy whores. I wish there was a better word than "whore," because I believe it does a disservice to even the lowliest crack whore. There is no excuse or point to their existence. They fuck things up for other people on a large scale in hopes that a very, very small percentage will respond in some way. Prostitutes don't screw up things for other people, they just screw people (in a good way), and that makes them much better than your average spammer. Just something to think about...

Anyway, I haven't posted in a while, but I'm writing more tonight (and the next day). I'll probably keep things shorter, (but definitely not sweeter), from now on. I'm busy trying to keep my job, find a new one, grow my side business, take care of my wife/family/house, and keep my sanity in the process. All of which is cutting into my video game time, (joke)*.

* I've learned to put "joke" by potentially offensive sarcastic remarks. Based on negative responses from similar remarks on my friend Chris' blog, I've learned there are a lot of people with really bad reading comprehension and sarcasm/joke detectors. As far as other potentially offensive remarks, I make no apologies.. so you can go ahead and fuck yourself.

Addicted to Modern Conveniences

2005-09-24T17:09:00.000-05:00

One thing Rita has taught me is how much people can be addicted to modern conveniences. Many of the people evacuating had legitimate concerns, but quite a few just didn't want to be without electricity and such. The joke was on them when they got stuck in traffic for hours on end without A/C. It makes me angry that these pussies made it more difficult for the people who actually needed to be evacuated from leaving. I could rant a long time about this, but my friend Chris says it more eloquently than I can.

In fact, many of them are rushing back as fast as they can, (which isn't very fast). These idiots are stuck in traffic again, and getting in the way of emergency workers and others who actually need to be on the road.

To highlight the recent absurdities, please review the pictures below:

What you are looking at is the drive-thru lane of a local Taco Bell, stretching around the block. Yes.. Taco Bell. This is adjacent to the Deer Brook mall in Houston, (the Kingwood/Humble area). I made my friend stop so I could take a picture of it. It was one of the very few eating establishments that reopened late this afternoon. I won't bother you with further commentary or my opinions, I will let the picture speak for itself.

Rita is a Cock Tease

2005-09-24T15:41:00.000-05:00

Nothing happened in my neck of the woods. Rita just blew and blew, but nothing ever came. Maybe a little rain, a little moisture, but no standing water. No trees fell, nothing flying in the wind, no damage to the house, nothing worthy of the local news. However, for some reason, we lost electricity for twelve hours or more, (we just got it back less than an hour ago).

I can joke around about being disappointed, but in all honesty, I'm relieved. We were lucky, Rita was bad news for some people. Nothing like Katrina, but no laughing matter either. To all those still facing this storm, I wish the best. However, we should all be thankful that it wasn't a whole lot worse.

I hope I am not assuming too much.

Riders on the Storm

2005-09-23T14:20:00.000-05:00

We're going to ride this bitch out, the bitch named Rita. What a horrible name for a hurricane! Rita sounds like a chick you might catch a venereal disease from. (I apologize if your name is Rita, and I don't mean to imply you have VD.. but you might).

Looks like the worst is going to miss Houston, but it still isn't going to be pretty. We aren't in danger, whether from rising waters or wind. We've taken the necessary precautions, including stocking up on provisions and securing weaknesses in and around the house.

I'm afraid of the damage my house may take from flying debris and falling trees. Especially, the trees. Those tall, skinny, crappy kind you see in new subdivisions. They look like giant twigs, and I have a feeling they will snap like them, too. But it shouldn't be TOO bad, I think. Others aren't so lucky.

Our friend Chris lives in an evacuation area. He got out of there, and is staying with his parents in a part of Houston not too far from us. He will be fine, but as you can read for yourself, he's worried about his house. Maybe not as much the building itself, but the countless objects with emotional ties within it, (things that had to be left behind). All the links to the past that remind you where and what you have been through. The things that breathe fire into your mind and ignite the your memories to life.

We have two other friends fleeing the onslaught. They live near downtown, and there is a good chance their home will be flooded. They are staying with us during the storm, and I couldn't be happier. Nothing like good friends to see thru the bad shit with.

We even had a bit of a party last night, even Chris came by. We drank, played games, talked, and watched Rita bring her slutty ass in. (Slutty, because in the next 48 hours, she's going to blow millions of people. Houston 500 ain't nothing compared to ol' Rita). After a little more preparing this morning, we're about to start part two of the party.

Rita keeps on getting weaker. She started out strong, but then started to wimp out. Blowing millions of people is hard work, and she has to conserve energy if she wants to get all of them. Then again, I might eat my own words, and be slapped hard by some beaver tail.

I have to admit, I'm feeling good about staying, (so far). So many people on the road evacuating, many of them, not really needing to. This ends up making matter worse for those that actually need to leave the area. God only knows I wouldn't want to be in this shit on the side of the road, even if it was degraded to a tropical storm. And I know I wouldn't want to wait in a car without A/C in the horrible heat, staring at the gas gauge, hoping I can conserve enough gas until I get to where I am going.

Speaking of gas, Wednesday I made sure I had a full tank of gas in our car (in case we needed to leave town in a hurry). By the time the afternoon rolled around, many stations were sold out of gas, not to refuel until after the storm. My heart sank, though, I tried to stay calm. I was making my way back home when I saw a grocery store with gas pumps (that actually HAD gas). The line was insanely long, and I almost decided against staying. But as I was leaving, I saw there were multiple other lines, all shorter than the one I was in. Why people stayed in that line, instead of being more organized about it, is beyond me.

I waited and waited, turning my car off in intervals. Given the alternative, a thirty minute wait wasn't too bad. However, as I started looking around, I got VERY fucking angry. A few cars up, a guy was not only filling up his vehicle, but the king sized gas-powered generator in the back of his truck as well! Then I looked to my left and saw a HUMMER sitting in line. A little while later, I looked behind me and saw one of those mammoth RVs waiting for gas.

Why does this make me so sick? People are evacuating, and these assholes don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation. I doubt that generator being filled up was for his mother's dialysis machine. I don't know how far that fucking Hummer thinks he is going to go in the bumper to bumper traffic that was stretching mind boggling lengths. And while an RV might be a nice convenience, now is not the time for a fucking vacation!

It makes me sad how impractical and oblivious some people can be. How screwed up their priorities can get, and how inconsiderate of their neighbors in a time of crisis they can be. You can see with your own eyes the lack of fuel in the area. You can see how many people are trying to fill up. But some people can't see (or care about) the problem of taking more resources for their luxury, while their neighbors need enough to survive.

At the time, we were still on the fence about leaving. Jules slowly started teetering towards leaving, while I was trying to convince her that we should stay. For a while, I thought I was loosing the battle. She was genuinely scared, the storm kept intensifying, and there were a lot of unknowns. Her logic was: why stay when there was little that could actually be done when the shit hit the fan? Why stay and be worried if you made a mistake, a mistake that might endanger you? Why go through this, and have to possibly be without power for days? Why not get out of Dodge while we could, and stay with her family?

My family and most of my friends live in Houston. I grew up here my whole life. I couldn't just leave, I felt like I was abandoning more than just my home. This isn't to say Jules doesn't have an attachment, too. And this isn't to say I didn't have my doubts, either. It was just a hard decision to make.

A lot of things were discussed and considered. We talked to many of the people we knew, and what their plans were. I think this whole process helped Jules. It helped to fill in some of the blanks, and settle her mind and nerves about staying, (and maybe myself, as well). Now looking at the path of the storm, it was good that we stayed put.

Now, we are just waiting and hoping for the best. I hope those still caught on the road find shelter soon. That they get to safety, wherever they are. I hope that they are as lucky as us, (and that we stay lucky ourselves). We'll brace for the worst, and hope for the best. Not sure what else can be done at this point.

Geek vs. Geek

2005-09-14T09:58:00.000-05:00

Damn, I wish I could find this video. It is an actual spoof made by Microsoft of Napoleon Dynamite (the real actor playing the fictional character) versus Bill Gates (playing himself, of course).

I wonder if there is a copy of this floating around the 'net? If you have a link to it, please let me know.

Still going to post the post I said I would post (huh?) later today (or tomorrow, or.. ). Just thought I would share this now, or I never would (knowing me).

You know it is bad when...

2005-09-13T12:19:00.000-05:00

Bush finally takes responsibility for something. Wow. No shifting it to an external cause, subordinate, or anything. I don't know if it qualifies as an apology, though. I don't know if it is a change in attitude of his administration or not. But at least he is finally meeting the minimum requirements of a leader: accountability.

Who knows, maybe I'm:

A) Giving him too much credit
B) Being too hard on him
C) Making a bigger deal out of it than it is

Either way, at least I finally posted something again. I will post all that I mentioned in the previous post, and then some (mostly work).

Catching Up

2005-09-02T11:43:00.000-05:00

It's been a looong time since I posted. I have much to say, but not a lot of time to say it. I'm about to head out of town, so I won't be able to post for a few days. Because of this, I thought I would just go ahead and do a quick update.

Work kind of blows right now. I'll get into that more later, but I will say I'm not giving up on it. I want to fix some problems there before I find a new job. Otherwise, I'll feel like I am just running away, without having learned anything. I need to know that if I get a new job, the same issue won't follow me. It's stressful, but I know I can handle it, and it will only make me more successful in the future.

I also need to post more on the tubing trip we went on recently, and more detail on the one before that. The first one was fun, but not without its drama, (provided by myself, of course). The second one went much better. I didn't get burned.. in the same places. There was no real drama and such, but I had a bit of a hangover, (though, it didn't last long).

This past Saturday, my friends and I were watching Ringu 2, (original, Japanese version of The Ring 2). It was alright, but the best part was when we first started watching it, the power kept on going off in the house. It was real quick, and happened several times right in the begining of the movie. Freaked us the fuck out. On top of that, there was a lot of thunder and lightning. (Best way to watch a horror movie like The Ring, I tell ya!)

After watching the movie, we went outside for a smoke, where we saw that a tree had fallen in the backyard. That just made things more freaky, especially since we didn't even hear it fall down! The wind had snapped a perfectly healthy tree of ours, and it landed on the fence and.. well, I'll just show you:

Yea, I had to clean that shit up the next morning, NOT fun at all. It was good for a few laughs, though. It didn't cause any damage to the fence, nothing that a hammer and some nails wouldn't fix. Clearing and cutting the tree was hard, but it cleaned up pretty nicely, in the end.

I'll post some more when I get back. In the meantime, I'll end with something I've been meaning to do for a while. A few posts ago, I quoted Voltaire. I always liked the quote about doubt (list below), so when I posted it, I wanted to make sure I quoted it right. While looking it up, I came across quite a few others I really liked. I'm not listing them all, or in any order of preference, just twenty that I think are really good:

Voltaire Quotes

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one.
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it.
It is better to risk saving a guilty man than to condemn an innocent one.
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.
All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
The art of government is to make two-thirds of a nation pay all it possibly can pay for the benefit of the other third.
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
It is lamentable, that to be a good patriot one must become the enemy of the rest of mankind.
It is vain for the coward to flee; death follows close behind; it is only by defying it that the brave escape.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.
Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.
It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge.
What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy.
Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.
The safest course is to do nothing against one's conscience. With this secret, we can enjoy life and have no fear from death.
Love has features which pierce all hearts, he wears a bandage which conceals the faults of those beloved. He has wings, he comes quickly and flies away the same.
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument.
The best way to be boring is to leave nothing out.

However: "A witty saying proves nothing." - Voltaire

More quotes and information on Voltaire:

Don't Read My Lips

2005-08-24T15:17:00.000-05:00

It seems that Pat Robertson was 'misinterpreted' about his recent comments (read full story here):

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out.' And 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping; there are a number of ways to take out a dictator from power besides killing him. I was misinterpreted by the AP [Associated Press], but that happens all the time," Robertson said on "The 700 Club" program.

However, this is what he said:

"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think we really ought to go ahead and do it," said Robertson on Monday's program. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."

Wow.

Wow, that is a fucking blatant LIE if there every was one! I think my senility theory is being proven, or he's even more of an evil cock sucker than I originally thought. If you still think it might have been a matter of being misinterpreted or misquoted, (or if you are just curious), watch the original video. There isn't much room for interpretation.

If he was honest, he would either say:
A) "I misspoke. Looking back, I could see how it would be taken that way, but I never intended it to be. I apologize for any confusion. What I was trying to say was..."
B) "We all say some pretty dumb stuff, that we don't really mean, every once in a while. I just happened to be televisions a lot. You know, 'law of averages' and such. Um.. sorry."
C) "Yea, I know what I said, and I'm stickin' to it!"

But he didn't. He said it was AP's fault, that they misinterpreted him. But we can watch the video for ourselves, and make our own interpretation, and there is only really one way to take what he said. What was already quoted matches what he says on the video, anyways. The video isn't spliced together, and it wasn't some ambush on some talk show, catching him off guard. It was HIS OWN show!

Besides, is preaching political kidnappings of world leaders that haven't attacked us, haven't invaded another country, or haven't committed any atrocities against their own people much better? I'm not saying I like Chavez, not in the least. But why is Robertson ready to hand out the sniper rifles for this guy, while he tried to dissuade us from interfering with Liberia?

“How dare the president of the United States say to the duly elected president of another country, 'You've got to step down,'"

(You can read more here.)

Yea, how DARE he say Taylor, (who has done as much, if not worse, to his country than Chavez has), needs to step down. But kill or kidnap Chavez, NO PROBLEM! Maybe it is a lack of creativity (or conviction) on my part. Maybe I just have a hard time understanding how 2 + 2 is sometimes 5.

... fuckin' dipshit!

UPDATE: Robertson just made an apology.. at least for the cap poppin' in the ass part (read here):

"Is it right to call for assassination? No, and I apologize for that statement," he said in a written statement.

Not sure what to believe, or even if it is sincere. Either way, Robertson is still a crack pot.

A Fatwa (with a cost-benefit analysis)

2005-08-23T21:58:00.000-05:00

Yes, Pat Robertson is fucking insane. You didn't get the memo? Well, look here and here. I would be shocked that a "man of God" would suggest assassinating a foreign leader (for convenience sake), but then I remember the shit Robertson has said in the past.

Frankly, this is mild in comparison. Go Google some past stories if you do not believe me. What I find particularly disgusting in this case is his pragmatism. This lacks any real spiritual matter, this is purely political. It is cold and calculating, a "fatwa" with a cost-benefit analysis.

How can you even rationalize such an immoral and callous remark (especially, from a prominent religious figure)? Did I miss the part where Jesus said, "Forget about that cheek turning business, if you got a problem, pop a cap in their ass! It's a whole lot cheaper to boot!" I wanted to pick this apart, but to be honest, I am already tired of this story. I've been tired of Pat Robertson and his ilk for quite some time.

If Jesus plans on coming back, he should do it now. Why? I think he's the only one who can straighten these assholes out. But did you ever think, if Jesus did come back, would we know it? Or would we just "nail him to the cross" again as a false prophet?

It would probably happen this way, and like the first time, by those that claim to be the most pious. The world's filled with people who think they know what the Bible says, even though it clearly runs against it. I'm not a Christian, but I have respect for Christians that are rational and compassionate, and feel sorry that they have an asshole like this tainting their faith.

On a lighter note, I "co-created" a joke on this matter with Chris.

I'll post an update tomorrow on what has been going on, (sorry for the delay).

The Brown Sound in Surround

2005-08-11T10:22:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's that time again!

I was working at my desk, trying to organize my day, when I realized I had to go to the restroom. Bad. As you know, I don't look forward to this. Everything was going fine, until someone entered the stall to my left. "Oh great," I thought, "time to hurry up and finish!" Unfortunately, I wasn't ready.

You know that feeling where you're pretty sure you are done shitting, but you don't feel comfortable yet to wipe your ass and leave? That feeling, where if you get up, you might have to come right back? Well, I had that. Usually, I think it is due more to muscle strain, rather than a pressure in the chute, (a warning of things to come). I know that the last comment was "too-much-information", even for me, but you know what I mean! It's just this undeniable, instinctual voice going, "Hold up there partner, I wouldn't be puttin' on your draws just yet!" (Yes, the voice of my bowels sounds like John Wayne, probably due to the toilet paper.)

So I was stuck. Of course when my neighbor sits down, it shakes my toilet. I don't know why it does that, but I find it disturbing! Even if I hold my nose, and close my ears, that shake reminds me that I don't have any privacy.

In the corner of my eye, I see his foot under the stall. Great, I even have to be reminded of his presence with my eyes. I ignore it, and avert my eyes. Then the horrible sounds come, the kind that make you realize that the guy on the other side of the thin wall needs to eat more fiber. If Hell had an orchestra, it would be the trumpet section.

Then the trombones came in. Yes folks, we had a grunter! Grunting and breathing heavy like a fat guy running a marathon. To make matters worse, my eyes were drawn back to his foot. Your peripheral vision doesn't transmit much color or shape information to your brain, but it's great at detecting movement. I instinctively look over, and see his right foot press down on the floor with his toes, the movement of someone trying to reach for something too high. I though it was just a random movement, until I realized it was synchronizing with his sounds. This guy was struggling, I almost thought he would start saying, "Who does Number Two work for!?"

Too much information, but that's exactly my point. These are pretty private details that your co-workers should not know about you. I then realized I know what his shoes look like. I don't even give people's foot attire much noticed, but I'm afraid that today I might subconsciously do just that. Not wanting to know who it was, but not being able to help my curiosity.

Then someone enters, and goes into the stall to my right. Shit luck.

Did the guy to my right have to go that bad, or was he just that comfortable completing a bathroom trifecta? Then he starts, and I realize he had the same breakfast burritos as the guys to my left. This is what I call, "The Brown Sound in Surround."

Why would I put myself in a situation to set up a BSS? There are only three stalls: the one on the left has a weak door latch and is nearest to the urinals, the one on the right is one of those funky handicap stalls, and the one in the middle is juuust right. Well, except for the BSS potential.

If I still wasn't ready to go, it didn't matter after the guy to my right started. I finished up, and got the fuck out of there. It ended up that I did return later, thankfully, in peace and privacy.

Posting More

2005-08-10T10:54:00.000-05:00

From now on, I'm posting more. I make a big deal out of what I post, but it doesn't need to be perfect. It doesn't have to be ground breaking, or a work of art. Two things have impressed this upon me again.

A few people on Chris' blog critiqued a recent post of his. Not due to their opinions of his behavior or beliefs, but because of his writing style and content. The content was merely about his time growing up, being stuck between being a British and an American kid, (well.. and cricket). They thought it was boring. And as far as writing style went, the post was a lot better than most blogs out there.

So what would make people post, in my opinion, these nit picky comments? They have high expectations of Chris' writing. While I still think these expectations are unreasonable and silly, they did get me thinking, "Does anyone even have any expectations of me?" Hell, is anyone even reading this, except for a few blog buddies? So why should I be so anal retentive about posting?

The second thing was a post on Jay's blog. I hadn't read his blog in a while, and decided to catch up, (not exactly there yet). I thought he made a nice complement of me, (I think it was meant as a complement), that it was unfortunate that I post so infrequently. This made me remember a few other people saying similar things. This gave me encouragement. It's not that I need people revering my writing, or frequenting it everyday, to make it worth while to post. I just need a feeling that someone is listening, and appreciating it in whatever way they do. this has existed, but I haven't realized it.

Also, no one is going to check up on this blog that often, get ready for this mind blower.. if I don't post more!

So that's what I am doing now. So to everyone who has been encouraging, I appreciate it. I try to read everyone's blog, too, but I slip sometimes. I end up catching up, though.

On that note, there are also some blogs I have to avoid like the plague. There are people out there that just piss me off too much. When I get pissed off, I usually get sucked in. Why? Because I want to fix things. In order to fix things, I try to understand. In order to understand, well, it involves A LOT of reading.

I guess my problem is I try to find redeeming qualities in everyone. Don't let the cynicism and grumpiness fool you, I'm actually fairly 'positive'. I find it sad when someone is so fucking delusional and blind. Not that I'm being judgmental of people's lives. We all make mistakes, and I have no expectations that everyone, or everything needs to be perfect.

I just want people to not get lost in the irrational and illusory. This usually comes down to politics and religion. It's not that I want people to see my side of things, and believe what I believe. I think it takes all sorts to make the world go 'round. But there are a lot of extreme, misguided, walking stereotypes out there with a myopic world view. People whose personal development is fairly stunted. They seem to meet the frustration and uncertainty of life by finding a simplistic set of beliefs, and forcing reality to fit it, no matter the cost.

Any political or religious (or atheist) view point can fall victim to this. It is really beyond that, though. It is a how, not a what. It is an approach to ideas, life and people. Sometimes there is a specific focal point, like a political organization, but it can also be something much more general.

It's like they are walking through life with their eyes and ears shut most of the time, at least to the things they don't want to see or hear. In a way, it may feel safer and more stable, but you miss a whole lot out there, (namely, reality). It also seems like they spread the fog around them to others, like a virus, a means to justify their belief system.

They are the kind of people who can believe 2 + 2 = 5, and not blink an eye or doubt that it is a fact. Their world does not have to be rational, just safe, especially from doubt. Yet they wipe their mind of this compromise, claim themselves righteous, and mock others as irrational.

Voltaire once said, "Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one." I would agree, but there are many that do not. They seek the shelter of certainty, for one or many things. Surrounded, and only listening to those that agree with them, they become absurdities.

Maybe I'm not explaining it perfectly, but I'm not sure I could. I'm not one for labels. They are rarely fitting, often misused, and usually twisted and co-opted, (many times by the type of person I am talking about). A name has power; it offers a mark to aim a weapon at. The only thing I can add would be: If the were in the "Matrix," and were offered the choice, they would take the blue pill.

I'm also trying to be a little vague, because this topic was triggered in my mind by a visit to another blog. I'm not here to start a blog war, or debate with the deaf. Because in the end, who is more a fool: the fool, or the one who chooses to argue with the fool?

And you thought you were bad...

2005-08-10T10:35:00.000-05:00

The next time your family or friends complian about you playing video games too much, point them to this article. A South Korean man played 50 hours straight, (except for bathroom breaks and a few quick naps), at an Internet cafe. What finally got him off the computer?

A heart failure.

I guess you CAN die from being on the computer too much. Then again, I think I just gave ammo to my wife. But frankly, I could use a few reminders. I usually find out she's mad after the fact.

That's not quite true, she does HINT at it, but it is often subtle and I miss it. Wait, that's not fair. She does hit me over the head a lot; I often say something to the effect of, "Just a few more minutes."

Well, this guy said that, too, but a few minutes later he died. Just goes to show you: life is short, enjoy it, but don't play around too much, or you'll miss some important shit. I'm not going to stop playing games, but I should probably keep track of the amount of time I'm on the computer. (Then again, you'd think the rising and setting sun would have been a good "stop gap" for the guy.)

Honestly, do you want the words "Everquest" and "camping" in your eulogy?

The next time someone tells you to go to hell...

2005-07-15T22:52:00.000-05:00

.. show 'em this card!

Also useful if some says, "You're going to Hell!" (Kind of like "Go to hell", but with a delay).

Wish I had this thing when I was growing up. I had a preponderance of born-again Christians in my neighborhood trying to "convert" me. I guess they didn't view Methodists as Christians, (kind of like Catholics with and everyone else).

EDIT: I originally said "kind of like Catholics, and everyone else", but this seemed to say I thought Catholics weren't Christians, when I meant to reflect THEIR beliefs concerning other denominations. But then again, this isn't fair, Catholics aren't the only ones like this. I would name them all out, but my hands would hurt from all the typing.

Asshole on Line 1

2005-07-27T12:37:00.000-05:00

There are two things that I don't look forward to during a work day:

Having to take a dump in a public restroom
The asshole across the hall

What's so bad about this walking anus? He's a living reminder that common courtesy is not common. My primary problem with this human sphincter of the nether regions? His insistent usage of his speaker phone.

I seriously don't think he knows there is a handset on his phone. He uses the speaker for EVERYTHING:

Work related
Personal
Voice mail
While dialing

I shit you NOT! While DIALING! I am completely honest, and serious when I say he uses the speaker phone for EVERY call he makes. I have only seen/heard him use the handset ONCE, when his speaker phone conversation was getting too personal to be heard by everyone in the office. But because he uses the speaker phone all the time, I'm now starting to doubt my memory of this occurrence.

On top of that, he has the volume up loud, with his door almost always open. Of course, he has to talk loud, too. He doesn't seem to be going deaf, he's not old enough, or otherwise behaves like he is going deaf. So why he has to do this is beyond me.

What blows my mind is that he's not usually doing much while on the phone. He's a manager, not tech support! He's not usually using his computer while on the phone, and when he is, it's not like he's really typing anything up. He's just lazy and inconsiderate. Oh, and obviously unprofessional.

But he is a manager, and there isn't much I can say, especially now. He's not my boss, but he might be soon, no reason to burn any bridges. There is a reorganization happening at my work, and one of the jobs I posted for was in his department. Not that I would WANT to work under this guy, it's just that there are worse things that can happen.

Before I didn't say anything because I was not assertive enough, (read: pussy). But a month or so ago, I had a revelation about myself and my outlook on life, (being sick and taking expired prescription strength codeine cough syrup helped me in my little "vision quest"). Then the problem was, how can I confront him without using the phrases "inconsideration asshole" and "shut the fuck up". As in, "Please, shut the fuck up, you inconsiderate asshole. Everyone on this floor can hear you and your stupid speaker phone. Honestly, what makes you, or anything you do, so important that you need to use a speaker phone all the time?" You see the problem.

Then I realized, it wouldn't change anything if I said anything. When I worked on a different floor, I used to have this other guy in the office next to me do the same thing. It bothered me just the same then, but I could live with it because I had a little help. A co-worker of mine had no reservation about getting confrontational with him. Not only would she say shit, but when he persisted, she would actually go over and shut HIS door hard. Fucking beautiful!

I have contemplated using this in my situation, as well. But honestly, the same effect would happen: he wouldn't learn anything, his behavior would not change, and I would look like an asshole, too. Just like the other guy, he wouldn't just forget about my concerns, he wouldn't care. Both guys wouldn't say anything rude to you, just continue being obnoxious.

I only have a few of weeks left before the chips will 'fall where they may'. At that time, I'll figure out the best approach, if it is still an issue. In the mean time, I have my ear plugs, (which I don't like using, whether out of pride or inconvenience, I'm not certain). I do what I can to work around my problems concentrating, (primarily due to sound). While I might be more easily distracted by things like this than my co-workers are, that doesn't mean it is right, or that I should just grin and bare it.

I have other issues with the guy, but none have a direct effect on me, (right now). I just find it irritating how much, and for what, he uses his speaker phone. Especially, in light that down the hall sits his boss's boss, who has the decency to use a headset for his calls. Then again, you don't get really far in life by making a habit of being oblivious to the needs of those around you.

So if you use a speaker phone, try to moderate your usage of it, and try to keep the volume down and/or close your door. There are other alternatives, such as a headset, as well. You should always value common courtesy, because you never know which bridge you'll need to cross until you are staring at its burnt remains.

Or another way of saying it, "Be careful whose feet you step on now, they may belong to the person whose ass you'll have to kiss later."

We're instituting a 'closed-door' policy.

2005-07-05T16:21:00.000-05:00

Work is fine, as long as I shut the door and pretend no one is there. Working isn't a problem, being AT work is the problem. And by work, I mean the social environment. I like having an office to go to, especially one with a door, preferably closed. It's like going to the library to study. It eliminates distractions, and seperates work from home.

However, it doesn't work like that. You are thrown together with people you normally would have nothing to do with. Not that they are horrible people, just not people you'd choose to hang out with for eight hours a day, five days a week, for around fifty weeks a year. And if you are really lucky, you get to waste additional time with the random assholes on the bus, or on the road. Well, you get my point.

This is to say nothing of the actual work to be done. Again, working isn't the issue, stopping to think about your work's insignifigance is. The insignifigance of company policy, with all its associated, dehumanizing qualities. Makes you wonder if mental illness is just a by-product of these conditions, much like how animals in a zoo act. Stuck in an unnatural setting, for a questionable purpose, where you slowly tear your hair out and swim in the wrong direction for many hours straight.

Yes, we are in the Matrix, but it is very, VERY boring.

So to alleviate the boredom, let's talk about my bowel movements...

For a while now, I've been a camel. But instead of water it's, well.. shit. Damn Grape Nuts. It's hamster food, but addictive somehow. For a while there, I thought I might die from compaction. I was so constipated, that by the time I could crap again, it was like stone. It all came out in one, huge, spiralling piece. It was a fucking work of art!

That was last Thursday. Now, given the amount of BBQ I consumed this July 4, my problem is over, (though, I think it swung too much in the opposite direction).

I was going to start that Wikipedia contest today, but all I could come up with was 'asparagus' and 'John Malkovich'. Not sure if I should even explain this. To be honest, not sure the whole "contest" was a great idea. Maybe I'll change my mind, but I don't think I have the dedication, (just check my frequency of posting for a prime example).

Oh well...

Please don't judge me...

2005-07-01T22:59:00.000-05:00

.. but THIS is fucking fun! It's kind of sick, (I mean, why a lady in a bikini?), but it's an addictive time waster. Try it, and see what I mean. (Then you can judge me).