The Wall is Hurting My Head...

Back Again

2008-05-20T13:02:00.003-05:00

Man, it's been awhile since I have posted here. I suppose I'm blogging again on a regular basis, but I'm making no promises, no formulas.

Let's see, what's happened.. last time I posted I was working for a mortgage company. Well, they went belly up (with so many others), but frankly, they had their heads firmly up their asses. Got a new job, relatively quickly, making more money. Better job, more responsibility, not quite as crazy. I'll post more details later.

Oh, and my wife and I are having a baby.

Not sure why I am writing an update like this, I doubt any of the people from before will stumble across it. I only started up again because someone I knew did. That, and to get some writing exercise. God help me, I'm trying to write a book or novella. Not trying to publish it, don't really want to, just want to see if I can do it. It's been something inching inside me for a while.

I know a few people who do the MySpace thing, but damn, I find it boring. Maybe I'm just anti-social, but I don't think that's (exactly) what it is. It just doesn't seem to center around writing, just posting goofy shit. It's the Internet's version of the bathroom wall. Maybe I'm missing something, but I like this kind of blogging better.

Oops, forgot...

2007-07-27T16:04:00.000-05:00

I meant to post this link a week ago, but forgot: http://news.independent.co.uk/world/americas/article2758838.ece

It's another sad reminder of what Dubya will do suppress science and logic in favor of a misguided party line.

I haven't been posting much lately, a little overwhelmed. Just so much going on, I forget to blog. I need to write about what is going on at work, and why I need to move on. Also, I'll probably throw in what happened at my last job.

Where'd Everyone Go?

2007-06-28T17:34:00.000-05:00

Looks like almost everyone I knew through blogging has disappeared. One of them has become a "real-life" friend, and a good one at that, so it isn't a total loss. But man, the old scene is no more! Guess I should expect it, given how long I've been gone, but some of them have been gone for quite some time.

Maybe as bad, is that my BlogRoll is quite stale, and I forgot my credentials in order to change it. I'll figure something out, no big deal, but I still find it kind of funny.

At this point, I have to admit to myself it won't ever be the same. Very few, if any, people will probably read this blog. I'm not sure if it is sad or liberating (in some way). To be honest, I was never one for reading other people's blogs, unless they had drama going on in their life or if they were exceptionally entertaining and informative.. and that person is the friend mentioned above. So, if you read this, and you have a blog like that, let me know.

This is some Blade Runner shit, right here!

2007-06-20T16:30:00.000-05:00

You got to check this site out:

"Our software takes a large collection of photos of a place or an object, analyzes them for similarities, and then displays the photos in a reconstructed three-dimensional space, showing you how each one relates to the next."

My current job in IT is a bit bland and stall, but after looking at what these people did with their computer time, I'm more than jealous - I'm depressed. What do I have to show for my work at the end of the day? Nothing like this, I know that! I know there was a team of people behind this, but damn, they make me look like a total dumb ass in comparison!

But in one way, it did make me feel better, (besides being suitably impressed). The subject matter for the demo happens to be St. Mark's Square in Venice, Italy. I went there last year, and it made a lot of great memories come flooding back.

I'm back...

2007-06-19T11:08:00.000-05:00

Been a long, long time, must mean I need to switch jobs again. Not sure why I came back, but I feel compelled to for some reason. Haven't been reading into politics as much, lately. So many bricks find their way lodged into my skull that you will have to forgive me for no longer making a hobby of bashing my head against the illogical and insane.

All this is owed to working in IT. You realize the futility in making the world a logical place. Or maybe it is owed to the movie Idiocracy, that I feel this way.

I suppose I can spout off about the plastic, or (at least) ambiguous, nature of truth. But lets be honest, when the world is struggling with logic, (at least lately), talking about truth is a bit presumptuous.

Yes, you may be a dreamer, and you may not be the only one, but it is going to be an awfully long nap time before the world you imagine comes to fruition. I think I'll concentrate on damage control, trying to prevent this country, and world, from turning into a bad rip off of 1984. Or maybe Idiocracy is a more likely scenario.

I know, I'm being cynical, but that isn't exactly new.

So what now? I'll probably not be posting about politics. While you can try to feed your neighbor, the world may be a bit too lofty. While the world (as a whole) probably has the capacity to easily care for its downtrodden, it assumes competency, (see above). While we have it in our means to cure the world of common diseases, ensure peace, invent new.. well, you get the idea, it's a long shot.

But I guess I do have one "cause" that always pulls at me: freedom. What you do with your freedom, well, that's up to you. Of course, there is even a debate into what freedom entails. But the one thing you can't debate, (though, given this freedom, I guess you could), is the freedom to question, and to communicate this questioning. That is the start of many things, (including logic). We take it for granted in America, though, there are places around the world where that freedom is a dream. And there are those in this very country that are chipping away at this right, each and everyday, right before your eyes...

Okay, maybe I'll talk about politics a little.

Oval Office Hunting

2006-02-13T22:13:00.000-06:00

What do Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney have in common?

They've both shot someone in the face.

I (unfortunately) thought that one all up by myself. Later, I will finally tell the lost tell of my unemployment, and re-employment. Until then, imagine Dick hunting with Monica, and imagine a better world. Sleep well, you'll need your rest.

In The End

2006-01-01T16:53:00.000-06:00

I've been out of the whole blogging thing for a while. A lot of shit went down, but in the end, it all worked out. I have a new (and better) job, and life is going good. The year 2005 sucked, but it looks like 2006 is going to be much better, (knock on wood).

Not sure what is next for this blog. Not sure who is still out there reading, or what I have to say. We'll see.

The End

2005-11-18T19:20:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm officially fired. And on this same day, I blow a promising interview by missing my airplane by a couple of minutes. I'm a fuck up.

I can't talk much about all that has happened in the past couple of months. There's a lot of pain, and a lot of territory to cover. I'll have a lot of "free time" now, (besides job hunting, my "side business", and cleaning and cooking), to devote to writing. Maybe it will be this blog. Maybe it will be a new beginning for this blog, maybe it will die.

But I won't die, I'm still Alive, yea, ye, yea, ye, yea...

Oh, and I had a German beer so thick and potent, you have to fucking chew it, so I'm a little drunk. And I'm cleaning.

Stay busy, best way to avoid hating yourself.

The Shit Hits the Fan

2005-10-19T20:24:00.000-05:00

No, this isn't a "Stall Wars" post, (though, it might make a decent title). The shit really has hit the fan. That's why I haven't posted in a while, and why I won't be posting for a little while longer. Work is bad, and I have to work my ass off. If I am not careful, I could very well lose my job.

Through it all, something in me has changed. It took something very painful, and someone very essential to me, to wake me up to reality. While my complacency might be shattered now, it might be a little too late.

The self-reflection can come later. Right now, I have to be disciplined and uncompromising with certain aspects in my life. I hope I have the strength and determination to make up for my flaws and previous mistakes. But no matter what happens, this can't be a phase, it has to be a change in my life, (and it is only the beginning).

I will write about it all in the end, I just hope I have a happy ending to write.

Spam Spam Spam

2005-10-04T12:02:00.000-05:00

I don't like spam. Then again, who does?

I finally turned the word verification on the comments on. Not sure why I delayed it, maybe I thought I would get less comments if I did, I don't know. But the comment spammers finally got to me, having to delete a couple every few days.

They are a bunch of brainless, greedy whores. I wish there was a better word than "whore," because I believe it does a disservice to even the lowliest crack whore. There is no excuse or point to their existence. They fuck things up for other people on a large scale in hopes that a very, very small percentage will respond in some way. Prostitutes don't screw up things for other people, they just screw people (in a good way), and that makes them much better than your average spammer. Just something to think about...

Anyway, I haven't posted in a while, but I'm writing more tonight (and the next day). I'll probably keep things shorter, (but definitely not sweeter), from now on. I'm busy trying to keep my job, find a new one, grow my side business, take care of my wife/family/house, and keep my sanity in the process. All of which is cutting into my video game time, (joke)*.

* I've learned to put "joke" by potentially offensive sarcastic remarks. Based on negative responses from similar remarks on my friend Chris' blog, I've learned there are a lot of people with really bad reading comprehension and sarcasm/joke detectors. As far as other potentially offensive remarks, I make no apologies.. so you can go ahead and fuck yourself.

Addicted to Modern Conveniences

2005-09-24T17:09:00.000-05:00

One thing Rita has taught me is how much people can be addicted to modern conveniences. Many of the people evacuating had legitimate concerns, but quite a few just didn't want to be without electricity and such. The joke was on them when they got stuck in traffic for hours on end without A/C. It makes me angry that these pussies made it more difficult for the people who actually needed to be evacuated from leaving. I could rant a long time about this, but my friend Chris says it more eloquently than I can.

In fact, many of them are rushing back as fast as they can, (which isn't very fast). These idiots are stuck in traffic again, and getting in the way of emergency workers and others who actually need to be on the road.

To highlight the recent absurdities, please review the pictures below:

What you are looking at is the drive-thru lane of a local Taco Bell, stretching around the block. Yes.. Taco Bell. This is adjacent to the Deer Brook mall in Houston, (the Kingwood/Humble area). I made my friend stop so I could take a picture of it. It was one of the very few eating establishments that reopened late this afternoon. I won't bother you with further commentary or my opinions, I will let the picture speak for itself.

Rita is a Cock Tease

2005-09-24T15:41:00.000-05:00

Nothing happened in my neck of the woods. Rita just blew and blew, but nothing ever came. Maybe a little rain, a little moisture, but no standing water. No trees fell, nothing flying in the wind, no damage to the house, nothing worthy of the local news. However, for some reason, we lost electricity for twelve hours or more, (we just got it back less than an hour ago).

I can joke around about being disappointed, but in all honesty, I'm relieved. We were lucky, Rita was bad news for some people. Nothing like Katrina, but no laughing matter either. To all those still facing this storm, I wish the best. However, we should all be thankful that it wasn't a whole lot worse.

I hope I am not assuming too much.

Riders on the Storm

2005-09-23T14:20:00.000-05:00

We're going to ride this bitch out, the bitch named Rita. What a horrible name for a hurricane! Rita sounds like a chick you might catch a venereal disease from. (I apologize if your name is Rita, and I don't mean to imply you have VD.. but you might).

Looks like the worst is going to miss Houston, but it still isn't going to be pretty. We aren't in danger, whether from rising waters or wind. We've taken the necessary precautions, including stocking up on provisions and securing weaknesses in and around the house.

I'm afraid of the damage my house may take from flying debris and falling trees. Especially, the trees. Those tall, skinny, crappy kind you see in new subdivisions. They look like giant twigs, and I have a feeling they will snap like them, too. But it shouldn't be TOO bad, I think. Others aren't so lucky.

Our friend Chris lives in an evacuation area. He got out of there, and is staying with his parents in a part of Houston not too far from us. He will be fine, but as you can read for yourself, he's worried about his house. Maybe not as much the building itself, but the countless objects with emotional ties within it, (things that had to be left behind). All the links to the past that remind you where and what you have been through. The things that breathe fire into your mind and ignite the your memories to life.

We have two other friends fleeing the onslaught. They live near downtown, and there is a good chance their home will be flooded. They are staying with us during the storm, and I couldn't be happier. Nothing like good friends to see thru the bad shit with.

We even had a bit of a party last night, even Chris came by. We drank, played games, talked, and watched Rita bring her slutty ass in. (Slutty, because in the next 48 hours, she's going to blow millions of people. Houston 500 ain't nothing compared to ol' Rita). After a little more preparing this morning, we're about to start part two of the party.

Rita keeps on getting weaker. She started out strong, but then started to wimp out. Blowing millions of people is hard work, and she has to conserve energy if she wants to get all of them. Then again, I might eat my own words, and be slapped hard by some beaver tail.

I have to admit, I'm feeling good about staying, (so far). So many people on the road evacuating, many of them, not really needing to. This ends up making matter worse for those that actually need to leave the area. God only knows I wouldn't want to be in this shit on the side of the road, even if it was degraded to a tropical storm. And I know I wouldn't want to wait in a car without A/C in the horrible heat, staring at the gas gauge, hoping I can conserve enough gas until I get to where I am going.

Speaking of gas, Wednesday I made sure I had a full tank of gas in our car (in case we needed to leave town in a hurry). By the time the afternoon rolled around, many stations were sold out of gas, not to refuel until after the storm. My heart sank, though, I tried to stay calm. I was making my way back home when I saw a grocery store with gas pumps (that actually HAD gas). The line was insanely long, and I almost decided against staying. But as I was leaving, I saw there were multiple other lines, all shorter than the one I was in. Why people stayed in that line, instead of being more organized about it, is beyond me.

I waited and waited, turning my car off in intervals. Given the alternative, a thirty minute wait wasn't too bad. However, as I started looking around, I got VERY fucking angry. A few cars up, a guy was not only filling up his vehicle, but the king sized gas-powered generator in the back of his truck as well! Then I looked to my left and saw a HUMMER sitting in line. A little while later, I looked behind me and saw one of those mammoth RVs waiting for gas.

Why does this make me so sick? People are evacuating, and these assholes don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation. I doubt that generator being filled up was for his mother's dialysis machine. I don't know how far that fucking Hummer thinks he is going to go in the bumper to bumper traffic that was stretching mind boggling lengths. And while an RV might be a nice convenience, now is not the time for a fucking vacation!

It makes me sad how impractical and oblivious some people can be. How screwed up their priorities can get, and how inconsiderate of their neighbors in a time of crisis they can be. You can see with your own eyes the lack of fuel in the area. You can see how many people are trying to fill up. But some people can't see (or care about) the problem of taking more resources for their luxury, while their neighbors need enough to survive.

At the time, we were still on the fence about leaving. Jules slowly started teetering towards leaving, while I was trying to convince her that we should stay. For a while, I thought I was loosing the battle. She was genuinely scared, the storm kept intensifying, and there were a lot of unknowns. Her logic was: why stay when there was little that could actually be done when the shit hit the fan? Why stay and be worried if you made a mistake, a mistake that might endanger you? Why go through this, and have to possibly be without power for days? Why not get out of Dodge while we could, and stay with her family?

My family and most of my friends live in Houston. I grew up here my whole life. I couldn't just leave, I felt like I was abandoning more than just my home. This isn't to say Jules doesn't have an attachment, too. And this isn't to say I didn't have my doubts, either. It was just a hard decision to make.

A lot of things were discussed and considered. We talked to many of the people we knew, and what their plans were. I think this whole process helped Jules. It helped to fill in some of the blanks, and settle her mind and nerves about staying, (and maybe myself, as well). Now looking at the path of the storm, it was good that we stayed put.

Now, we are just waiting and hoping for the best. I hope those still caught on the road find shelter soon. That they get to safety, wherever they are. I hope that they are as lucky as us, (and that we stay lucky ourselves). We'll brace for the worst, and hope for the best. Not sure what else can be done at this point.

Geek vs. Geek

2005-09-14T09:58:00.000-05:00

Damn, I wish I could find this video. It is an actual spoof made by Microsoft of Napoleon Dynamite (the real actor playing the fictional character) versus Bill Gates (playing himself, of course).

I wonder if there is a copy of this floating around the 'net? If you have a link to it, please let me know.

Still going to post the post I said I would post (huh?) later today (or tomorrow, or.. ). Just thought I would share this now, or I never would (knowing me).

You know it is bad when...

2005-09-13T12:19:00.000-05:00

Bush finally takes responsibility for something. Wow. No shifting it to an external cause, subordinate, or anything. I don't know if it qualifies as an apology, though. I don't know if it is a change in attitude of his administration or not. But at least he is finally meeting the minimum requirements of a leader: accountability.

Who knows, maybe I'm:

A) Giving him too much credit
B) Being too hard on him
C) Making a bigger deal out of it than it is

Either way, at least I finally posted something again. I will post all that I mentioned in the previous post, and then some (mostly work).

Catching Up

2005-09-02T11:43:00.000-05:00

It's been a looong time since I posted. I have much to say, but not a lot of time to say it. I'm about to head out of town, so I won't be able to post for a few days. Because of this, I thought I would just go ahead and do a quick update.

Work kind of blows right now. I'll get into that more later, but I will say I'm not giving up on it. I want to fix some problems there before I find a new job. Otherwise, I'll feel like I am just running away, without having learned anything. I need to know that if I get a new job, the same issue won't follow me. It's stressful, but I know I can handle it, and it will only make me more successful in the future.

I also need to post more on the tubing trip we went on recently, and more detail on the one before that. The first one was fun, but not without its drama, (provided by myself, of course). The second one went much better. I didn't get burned.. in the same places. There was no real drama and such, but I had a bit of a hangover, (though, it didn't last long).

This past Saturday, my friends and I were watching Ringu 2, (original, Japanese version of The Ring 2). It was alright, but the best part was when we first started watching it, the power kept on going off in the house. It was real quick, and happened several times right in the begining of the movie. Freaked us the fuck out. On top of that, there was a lot of thunder and lightning. (Best way to watch a horror movie like The Ring, I tell ya!)

After watching the movie, we went outside for a smoke, where we saw that a tree had fallen in the backyard. That just made things more freaky, especially since we didn't even hear it fall down! The wind had snapped a perfectly healthy tree of ours, and it landed on the fence and.. well, I'll just show you:

Yea, I had to clean that shit up the next morning, NOT fun at all. It was good for a few laughs, though. It didn't cause any damage to the fence, nothing that a hammer and some nails wouldn't fix. Clearing and cutting the tree was hard, but it cleaned up pretty nicely, in the end.

I'll post some more when I get back. In the meantime, I'll end with something I've been meaning to do for a while. A few posts ago, I quoted Voltaire. I always liked the quote about doubt (list below), so when I posted it, I wanted to make sure I quoted it right. While looking it up, I came across quite a few others I really liked. I'm not listing them all, or in any order of preference, just twenty that I think are really good:

Voltaire Quotes

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one.
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it.
It is better to risk saving a guilty man than to condemn an innocent one.
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.
All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
The art of government is to make two-thirds of a nation pay all it possibly can pay for the benefit of the other third.
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
It is lamentable, that to be a good patriot one must become the enemy of the rest of mankind.
It is vain for the coward to flee; death follows close behind; it is only by defying it that the brave escape.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.
Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.
It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge.
What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy.
Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.
The safest course is to do nothing against one's conscience. With this secret, we can enjoy life and have no fear from death.
Love has features which pierce all hearts, he wears a bandage which conceals the faults of those beloved. He has wings, he comes quickly and flies away the same.
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument.
The best way to be boring is to leave nothing out.

However: "A witty saying proves nothing." - Voltaire

More quotes and information on Voltaire:

Don't Read My Lips

2005-08-24T15:17:00.000-05:00

It seems that Pat Robertson was 'misinterpreted' about his recent comments (read full story here):

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out.' And 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping; there are a number of ways to take out a dictator from power besides killing him. I was misinterpreted by the AP [Associated Press], but that happens all the time," Robertson said on "The 700 Club" program.

However, this is what he said:

"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think we really ought to go ahead and do it," said Robertson on Monday's program. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."

Wow.

Wow, that is a fucking blatant LIE if there every was one! I think my senility theory is being proven, or he's even more of an evil cock sucker than I originally thought. If you still think it might have been a matter of being misinterpreted or misquoted, (or if you are just curious), watch the original video. There isn't much room for interpretation.

If he was honest, he would either say:
A) "I misspoke. Looking back, I could see how it would be taken that way, but I never intended it to be. I apologize for any confusion. What I was trying to say was..."
B) "We all say some pretty dumb stuff, that we don't really mean, every once in a while. I just happened to be televisions a lot. You know, 'law of averages' and such. Um.. sorry."
C) "Yea, I know what I said, and I'm stickin' to it!"

But he didn't. He said it was AP's fault, that they misinterpreted him. But we can watch the video for ourselves, and make our own interpretation, and there is only really one way to take what he said. What was already quoted matches what he says on the video, anyways. The video isn't spliced together, and it wasn't some ambush on some talk show, catching him off guard. It was HIS OWN show!

Besides, is preaching political kidnappings of world leaders that haven't attacked us, haven't invaded another country, or haven't committed any atrocities against their own people much better? I'm not saying I like Chavez, not in the least. But why is Robertson ready to hand out the sniper rifles for this guy, while he tried to dissuade us from interfering with Liberia?

“How dare the president of the United States say to the duly elected president of another country, 'You've got to step down,'"

(You can read more here.)

Yea, how DARE he say Taylor, (who has done as much, if not worse, to his country than Chavez has), needs to step down. But kill or kidnap Chavez, NO PROBLEM! Maybe it is a lack of creativity (or conviction) on my part. Maybe I just have a hard time understanding how 2 + 2 is sometimes 5.

... fuckin' dipshit!

UPDATE: Robertson just made an apology.. at least for the cap poppin' in the ass part (read here):

"Is it right to call for assassination? No, and I apologize for that statement," he said in a written statement.

Not sure what to believe, or even if it is sincere. Either way, Robertson is still a crack pot.

A Fatwa (with a cost-benefit analysis)

2005-08-23T21:58:00.000-05:00

Yes, Pat Robertson is fucking insane. You didn't get the memo? Well, look here and here. I would be shocked that a "man of God" would suggest assassinating a foreign leader (for convenience sake), but then I remember the shit Robertson has said in the past.

Frankly, this is mild in comparison. Go Google some past stories if you do not believe me. What I find particularly disgusting in this case is his pragmatism. This lacks any real spiritual matter, this is purely political. It is cold and calculating, a "fatwa" with a cost-benefit analysis.

How can you even rationalize such an immoral and callous remark (especially, from a prominent religious figure)? Did I miss the part where Jesus said, "Forget about that cheek turning business, if you got a problem, pop a cap in their ass! It's a whole lot cheaper to boot!" I wanted to pick this apart, but to be honest, I am already tired of this story. I've been tired of Pat Robertson and his ilk for quite some time.

If Jesus plans on coming back, he should do it now. Why? I think he's the only one who can straighten these assholes out. But did you ever think, if Jesus did come back, would we know it? Or would we just "nail him to the cross" again as a false prophet?

It would probably happen this way, and like the first time, by those that claim to be the most pious. The world's filled with people who think they know what the Bible says, even though it clearly runs against it. I'm not a Christian, but I have respect for Christians that are rational and compassionate, and feel sorry that they have an asshole like this tainting their faith.

On a lighter note, I "co-created" a joke on this matter with Chris.

I'll post an update tomorrow on what has been going on, (sorry for the delay).

The Brown Sound in Surround

2005-08-11T10:22:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's that time again!

I was working at my desk, trying to organize my day, when I realized I had to go to the restroom. Bad. As you know, I don't look forward to this. Everything was going fine, until someone entered the stall to my left. "Oh great," I thought, "time to hurry up and finish!" Unfortunately, I wasn't ready.

You know that feeling where you're pretty sure you are done shitting, but you don't feel comfortable yet to wipe your ass and leave? That feeling, where if you get up, you might have to come right back? Well, I had that. Usually, I think it is due more to muscle strain, rather than a pressure in the chute, (a warning of things to come). I know that the last comment was "too-much-information", even for me, but you know what I mean! It's just this undeniable, instinctual voice going, "Hold up there partner, I wouldn't be puttin' on your draws just yet!" (Yes, the voice of my bowels sounds like John Wayne, probably due to the toilet paper.)

So I was stuck. Of course when my neighbor sits down, it shakes my toilet. I don't know why it does that, but I find it disturbing! Even if I hold my nose, and close my ears, that shake reminds me that I don't have any privacy.

In the corner of my eye, I see his foot under the stall. Great, I even have to be reminded of his presence with my eyes. I ignore it, and avert my eyes. Then the horrible sounds come, the kind that make you realize that the guy on the other side of the thin wall needs to eat more fiber. If Hell had an orchestra, it would be the trumpet section.

Then the trombones came in. Yes folks, we had a grunter! Grunting and breathing heavy like a fat guy running a marathon. To make matters worse, my eyes were drawn back to his foot. Your peripheral vision doesn't transmit much color or shape information to your brain, but it's great at detecting movement. I instinctively look over, and see his right foot press down on the floor with his toes, the movement of someone trying to reach for something too high. I though it was just a random movement, until I realized it was synchronizing with his sounds. This guy was struggling, I almost thought he would start saying, "Who does Number Two work for!?"

Too much information, but that's exactly my point. These are pretty private details that your co-workers should not know about you. I then realized I know what his shoes look like. I don't even give people's foot attire much noticed, but I'm afraid that today I might subconsciously do just that. Not wanting to know who it was, but not being able to help my curiosity.

Then someone enters, and goes into the stall to my right. Shit luck.

Did the guy to my right have to go that bad, or was he just that comfortable completing a bathroom trifecta? Then he starts, and I realize he had the same breakfast burritos as the guys to my left. This is what I call, "The Brown Sound in Surround."

Why would I put myself in a situation to set up a BSS? There are only three stalls: the one on the left has a weak door latch and is nearest to the urinals, the one on the right is one of those funky handicap stalls, and the one in the middle is juuust right. Well, except for the BSS potential.

If I still wasn't ready to go, it didn't matter after the guy to my right started. I finished up, and got the fuck out of there. It ended up that I did return later, thankfully, in peace and privacy.

Posting More

2005-08-10T10:54:00.000-05:00

From now on, I'm posting more. I make a big deal out of what I post, but it doesn't need to be perfect. It doesn't have to be ground breaking, or a work of art. Two things have impressed this upon me again.

A few people on Chris' blog critiqued a recent post of his. Not due to their opinions of his behavior or beliefs, but because of his writing style and content. The content was merely about his time growing up, being stuck between being a British and an American kid, (well.. and cricket). They thought it was boring. And as far as writing style went, the post was a lot better than most blogs out there.

So what would make people post, in my opinion, these nit picky comments? They have high expectations of Chris' writing. While I still think these expectations are unreasonable and silly, they did get me thinking, "Does anyone even have any expectations of me?" Hell, is anyone even reading this, except for a few blog buddies? So why should I be so anal retentive about posting?

The second thing was a post on Jay's blog. I hadn't read his blog in a while, and decided to catch up, (not exactly there yet). I thought he made a nice complement of me, (I think it was meant as a complement), that it was unfortunate that I post so infrequently. This made me remember a few other people saying similar things. This gave me encouragement. It's not that I need people revering my writing, or frequenting it everyday, to make it worth while to post. I just need a feeling that someone is listening, and appreciating it in whatever way they do. this has existed, but I haven't realized it.

Also, no one is going to check up on this blog that often, get ready for this mind blower.. if I don't post more!

So that's what I am doing now. So to everyone who has been encouraging, I appreciate it. I try to read everyone's blog, too, but I slip sometimes. I end up catching up, though.

On that note, there are also some blogs I have to avoid like the plague. There are people out there that just piss me off too much. When I get pissed off, I usually get sucked in. Why? Because I want to fix things. In order to fix things, I try to understand. In order to understand, well, it involves A LOT of reading.

I guess my problem is I try to find redeeming qualities in everyone. Don't let the cynicism and grumpiness fool you, I'm actually fairly 'positive'. I find it sad when someone is so fucking delusional and blind. Not that I'm being judgmental of people's lives. We all make mistakes, and I have no expectations that everyone, or everything needs to be perfect.

I just want people to not get lost in the irrational and illusory. This usually comes down to politics and religion. It's not that I want people to see my side of things, and believe what I believe. I think it takes all sorts to make the world go 'round. But there are a lot of extreme, misguided, walking stereotypes out there with a myopic world view. People whose personal development is fairly stunted. They seem to meet the frustration and uncertainty of life by finding a simplistic set of beliefs, and forcing reality to fit it, no matter the cost.

Any political or religious (or atheist) view point can fall victim to this. It is really beyond that, though. It is a how, not a what. It is an approach to ideas, life and people. Sometimes there is a specific focal point, like a political organization, but it can also be something much more general.

It's like they are walking through life with their eyes and ears shut most of the time, at least to the things they don't want to see or hear. In a way, it may feel safer and more stable, but you miss a whole lot out there, (namely, reality). It also seems like they spread the fog around them to others, like a virus, a means to justify their belief system.

They are the kind of people who can believe 2 + 2 = 5, and not blink an eye or doubt that it is a fact. Their world does not have to be rational, just safe, especially from doubt. Yet they wipe their mind of this compromise, claim themselves righteous, and mock others as irrational.

Voltaire once said, "Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an absurd one." I would agree, but there are many that do not. They seek the shelter of certainty, for one or many things. Surrounded, and only listening to those that agree with them, they become absurdities.

Maybe I'm not explaining it perfectly, but I'm not sure I could. I'm not one for labels. They are rarely fitting, often misused, and usually twisted and co-opted, (many times by the type of person I am talking about). A name has power; it offers a mark to aim a weapon at. The only thing I can add would be: If the were in the "Matrix," and were offered the choice, they would take the blue pill.

I'm also trying to be a little vague, because this topic was triggered in my mind by a visit to another blog. I'm not here to start a blog war, or debate with the deaf. Because in the end, who is more a fool: the fool, or the one who chooses to argue with the fool?

And you thought you were bad...

2005-08-10T10:35:00.000-05:00

The next time your family or friends complian about you playing video games too much, point them to this article. A South Korean man played 50 hours straight, (except for bathroom breaks and a few quick naps), at an Internet cafe. What finally got him off the computer?

A heart failure.

I guess you CAN die from being on the computer too much. Then again, I think I just gave ammo to my wife. But frankly, I could use a few reminders. I usually find out she's mad after the fact.

That's not quite true, she does HINT at it, but it is often subtle and I miss it. Wait, that's not fair. She does hit me over the head a lot; I often say something to the effect of, "Just a few more minutes."

Well, this guy said that, too, but a few minutes later he died. Just goes to show you: life is short, enjoy it, but don't play around too much, or you'll miss some important shit. I'm not going to stop playing games, but I should probably keep track of the amount of time I'm on the computer. (Then again, you'd think the rising and setting sun would have been a good "stop gap" for the guy.)

Honestly, do you want the words "Everquest" and "camping" in your eulogy?

Asshole on Line 1

2005-07-27T12:37:00.000-05:00

There are two things that I don't look forward to during a work day:

Having to take a dump in a public restroom
The asshole across the hall

What's so bad about this walking anus? He's a living reminder that common courtesy is not common. My primary problem with this human sphincter of the nether regions? His insistent usage of his speaker phone.

I seriously don't think he knows there is a handset on his phone. He uses the speaker for EVERYTHING:

Work related
Personal
Voice mail
While dialing

I shit you NOT! While DIALING! I am completely honest, and serious when I say he uses the speaker phone for EVERY call he makes. I have only seen/heard him use the handset ONCE, when his speaker phone conversation was getting too personal to be heard by everyone in the office. But because he uses the speaker phone all the time, I'm now starting to doubt my memory of this occurrence.

On top of that, he has the volume up loud, with his door almost always open. Of course, he has to talk loud, too. He doesn't seem to be going deaf, he's not old enough, or otherwise behaves like he is going deaf. So why he has to do this is beyond me.

What blows my mind is that he's not usually doing much while on the phone. He's a manager, not tech support! He's not usually using his computer while on the phone, and when he is, it's not like he's really typing anything up. He's just lazy and inconsiderate. Oh, and obviously unprofessional.

But he is a manager, and there isn't much I can say, especially now. He's not my boss, but he might be soon, no reason to burn any bridges. There is a reorganization happening at my work, and one of the jobs I posted for was in his department. Not that I would WANT to work under this guy, it's just that there are worse things that can happen.

Before I didn't say anything because I was not assertive enough, (read: pussy). But a month or so ago, I had a revelation about myself and my outlook on life, (being sick and taking expired prescription strength codeine cough syrup helped me in my little "vision quest"). Then the problem was, how can I confront him without using the phrases "inconsideration asshole" and "shut the fuck up". As in, "Please, shut the fuck up, you inconsiderate asshole. Everyone on this floor can hear you and your stupid speaker phone. Honestly, what makes you, or anything you do, so important that you need to use a speaker phone all the time?" You see the problem.

Then I realized, it wouldn't change anything if I said anything. When I worked on a different floor, I used to have this other guy in the office next to me do the same thing. It bothered me just the same then, but I could live with it because I had a little help. A co-worker of mine had no reservation about getting confrontational with him. Not only would she say shit, but when he persisted, she would actually go over and shut HIS door hard. Fucking beautiful!

I have contemplated using this in my situation, as well. But honestly, the same effect would happen: he wouldn't learn anything, his behavior would not change, and I would look like an asshole, too. Just like the other guy, he wouldn't just forget about my concerns, he wouldn't care. Both guys wouldn't say anything rude to you, just continue being obnoxious.

I only have a few of weeks left before the chips will 'fall where they may'. At that time, I'll figure out the best approach, if it is still an issue. In the mean time, I have my ear plugs, (which I don't like using, whether out of pride or inconvenience, I'm not certain). I do what I can to work around my problems concentrating, (primarily due to sound). While I might be more easily distracted by things like this than my co-workers are, that doesn't mean it is right, or that I should just grin and bare it.

I have other issues with the guy, but none have a direct effect on me, (right now). I just find it irritating how much, and for what, he uses his speaker phone. Especially, in light that down the hall sits his boss's boss, who has the decency to use a headset for his calls. Then again, you don't get really far in life by making a habit of being oblivious to the needs of those around you.

So if you use a speaker phone, try to moderate your usage of it, and try to keep the volume down and/or close your door. There are other alternatives, such as a headset, as well. You should always value common courtesy, because you never know which bridge you'll need to cross until you are staring at its burnt remains.

Or another way of saying it, "Be careful whose feet you step on now, they may belong to the person whose ass you'll have to kiss later."

The next time someone tells you to go to hell...

2005-07-15T22:52:00.000-05:00

.. show 'em this card!

Also useful if some says, "You're going to Hell!" (Kind of like "Go to hell", but with a delay).

Wish I had this thing when I was growing up. I had a preponderance of born-again Christians in my neighborhood trying to "convert" me. I guess they didn't view Methodists as Christians, (kind of like Catholics with and everyone else).

EDIT: I originally said "kind of like Catholics, and everyone else", but this seemed to say I thought Catholics weren't Christians, when I meant to reflect THEIR beliefs concerning other denominations. But then again, this isn't fair, Catholics aren't the only ones like this. I would name them all out, but my hands would hurt from all the typing.

We're instituting a 'closed-door' policy.

2005-07-05T16:21:00.000-05:00

Work is fine, as long as I shut the door and pretend no one is there. Working isn't a problem, being AT work is the problem. And by work, I mean the social environment. I like having an office to go to, especially one with a door, preferably closed. It's like going to the library to study. It eliminates distractions, and seperates work from home.

However, it doesn't work like that. You are thrown together with people you normally would have nothing to do with. Not that they are horrible people, just not people you'd choose to hang out with for eight hours a day, five days a week, for around fifty weeks a year. And if you are really lucky, you get to waste additional time with the random assholes on the bus, or on the road. Well, you get my point.

This is to say nothing of the actual work to be done. Again, working isn't the issue, stopping to think about your work's insignifigance is. The insignifigance of company policy, with all its associated, dehumanizing qualities. Makes you wonder if mental illness is just a by-product of these conditions, much like how animals in a zoo act. Stuck in an unnatural setting, for a questionable purpose, where you slowly tear your hair out and swim in the wrong direction for many hours straight.

Yes, we are in the Matrix, but it is very, VERY boring.

So to alleviate the boredom, let's talk about my bowel movements...

For a while now, I've been a camel. But instead of water it's, well.. shit. Damn Grape Nuts. It's hamster food, but addictive somehow. For a while there, I thought I might die from compaction. I was so constipated, that by the time I could crap again, it was like stone. It all came out in one, huge, spiralling piece. It was a fucking work of art!

That was last Thursday. Now, given the amount of BBQ I consumed this July 4, my problem is over, (though, I think it swung too much in the opposite direction).

I was going to start that Wikipedia contest today, but all I could come up with was 'asparagus' and 'John Malkovich'. Not sure if I should even explain this. To be honest, not sure the whole "contest" was a great idea. Maybe I'll change my mind, but I don't think I have the dedication, (just check my frequency of posting for a prime example).

Oh well...

Please don't judge me...

2005-07-01T22:59:00.000-05:00

.. but THIS is fucking fun! It's kind of sick, (I mean, why a lady in a bikini?), but it's an addictive time waster. Try it, and see what I mean. (Then you can judge me).

'cyclopedia

2005-06-24T23:27:00.000-05:00

I have a new bad habit: Wikipedia, (the online, user-contributed encyclopedia)

It used to be editorial sites, but I finally learned that no great ideas ever came from an editorial, so I stopped reading them. Nothing is ever solved, no one's mind is ever changed. They wasted a lot of my time, (at work), got me irritable, and made me question the sanity of humanity at large. Well, I always questioned the sanity of humanity at large.

I start reading a topic in Wikipedia, (at work), and follow the related links. Where I end up, (at the end of the day), is far removed from the original article. My mind just roams, and absorbs information. I start with just a curiosity, but it feeds off itself; I get addicted and lose track of time.

Frankly, I could make a game out of it:

- Name two random topics
- See if I can find the shortest connection

Maybe I should start a contest on here, (if there is enough interest).

Now I've found Uncyclopedia, a parody of Wikipedia. I could explain both in more detail, but give them a look. Uncyclopedia is worth a few cheap laughs, and if you don't like it, shut up and put your money where your mouth is and make your own contribution!

Adult Male Bovine Stool

2005-06-01T18:29:00.000-05:00

Recently, as you might know, I started my own business with a couple of other people. It's a marketing related company, which is strange for me, since I am such a jaded person regarding that industry. I can't stand empty business speak, so when I came across this article, I got a good laugh. It's not specifically about business euphemisms, but it had this great mockery of them:

"We have them [business gurus] to thank for needing to be proactive and think outside the box while we play hardball, simultaneously applying best practice to pluck the low hanging fruit and deliver client-focused solutions that give us win-win, result-driven, value-added bottom lines. But none of that will happen if we are out of the loop and fail to exploit synergies while touching base going forward." - John Humphrys

I currently work in a corporation, and I hear these phrases strung together on a regular basis. Sometimes, they are just empty, meaningless farting of the mouth. Managers bullshitting themselves through the bullshit someone with more authority told them, (of course, "We have no fucking idea why we are losing money," doesn't sound good on a financial statement).

Most of the time, they are an actual euphemism for things like offshoring or layoffs. In meetings, I often find myself muttering the true meanings of the bullshit shoveled my way. I'm an adult, they can be honest with me. No matter how well the true meaning is entangled in a euphemism, we all know the core truth. The only thing a euphemism does is show that the speaker:

A) Wants to manipulate the audience
B) Does not respect the intelligence of the audience
C) Is not intelligent
D) Is a corporate hack
E) All of the above

Wow, they can Fed Ex ANYTHING these days!

2005-05-31T15:56:00.000-05:00

.. even "babies":

The package went astray because of an erroneous Zip code. In a panic, she drove to a FedEx warehouse to retrieve it herself.

"I went to the counter, and I wasn't leaving until they gave me that tank," she said. "I said: 'You have my babies there. I need you to hand them over.' "

There were eleven of them, and only one lived. But what do you expect, they were sent Fed Ex! You'd think they could at least have put them in a crate with a few breathing holes. A tank, what were they thinking!?

Ok, they we're actually embryos, and they were in a cryogenic tank, (read article here). They didn't die until later:

Over the next three years, she insisted that her doctors transfer all of the embryos into her womb, two or three at a time. She had four transfers, and three miscarriages. Tanner was the only one who survived, but "we were committed to all 11 of those babies," she said. "We were going to see it through as long as it took."

That's quite a commitment! Not sure if it is wise, (imagine if you had eleven kids), but I'll give points for putting your money where your mouth is. Why would someone make a commitment like this?

As evangelical Christians, the Brinkmans, who are both 32, believe that life begins at conception and that each embryo is a person.

I try not to throw stones at people's religous beliefs. They aren't negatively affecting anyone's life, so why mention them? Well, they are being used as props for a Bush photo op, (again, read full story). I'm glad they were able to benefit from something that was just going to be thrown away, but this isn't a solution to the underlying problem:

Proponents of embryonic stem cell research, which requires the destruction of the embryos but which many scientists think has enormous potential to develop ways to repair organs and fight disease, say there are so few adoptions that thousands of embryos will be discarded if they are not used for research. Even if such adoptions were to increase manyfold, "it will not solve the question of what happens to the leftover embryos," said Michael Manganiello, senior vice president of the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation in Washington.

Please read the rest of the article, but take note on the following excerpts and...

PLEASE READ BETWEEN THE LINES
(a new series.. maybe)

Some Snowflakes donors are as concerned as the recipients about the fate of the embryos. Kathryn Goodrich, 47, of Webster, Minn., said she felt "blessed" when her leftover embryos were adopted by Janet Mason, 37, a family practice physician in Columbus, Ohio. "I needed to know that they were not going to science, they were not going to be destroyed and they were not going to a couple that might have a lifestyle that I would not choose for my own children," she said.

READ - I believe in saving lives.. as long as it means that no hellbound lesbos get their turkey basters on my microscopic babies! I'd rather them die!

But the Rev. Tadeusz Pacholczyk, who has a doctorate in neuroscience from Yale and is staff ethicist at the National Catholic Bioethics Center in Philadelphia, argued that embryo adoptions would make Catholics complicit in test-tube fertilizations, which the church considers illicit. Moreover, he said, artificially implanting an embryo in a woman's womb is a "grave violation of the nature of marital sexuality."

READ - We believe in the sanctity of life.. as long as the guy in the big funny hat says it's okay.
OR - I said MARITAL sexuality! You thought I was going to leave myself open for another priest joke, didn't you?

"... maybe even Gidea"

2005-05-27T10:45:00.000-05:00

Speaking of that asshole Tom Delay, it seems that a recent bill on stem cell research was up for a vote. There were actually two bills up in the House, one for funding embryonic stem cell research, and another one for funding umbilical cord stem cell research. The latter passed 431-1 in favor, the former passed 238-194 in favor. Bush has stated he will veto the embryonic bill, which need 52 more votes in favor, in order to override the veto.

This is not a partisan issue. Fifty Republicans voted in favor of the embryonic stem cell bill. However, ol' Tom "the Hammer" Delay has a problem with it:

Majority Leader Tom DeLay said before the vote it would be wrong for the government to finance "medical research predicated on the destruction of human embryos."

"An embryo is a person," the Texas Republican said.

Please review the embryonic stem cell harvesting process here, (or any reliable source, for that matter). The cells used in the process are less than a week old, and cannot be seen with the naked eye. They do not look like "tiny babies", or even little shrimp. Most people would barely even know what they were looking at if no one told them beforehand. They are a extremely small cluster of cells. An embryo is not a person.

To top it off, most of the of candidate embryos are thrown out anyways. Bush supports the very fertility treatments that cause this waste, and then blames embryonic stem cell research for destroying "human lives." Not only is his grasp of science lacking, but he is a hypocrite as well:

Bush held a news conference Tuesday surrounded by families who had either adopted or given up for adoption embryos remaining after fertility treatments.

"With the right policies and the right techniques, we can pursue scientific progress while still fulfilling our moral duties," Bush said. "The children here today remind us that there is no such thing as a spare embryo."

Supporters of the bill say only about 10 percent of excess embryos are adopted; the rest are discarded.

So basically, he thinks 10% ain't bad. Only 10% of the embryos are human lives, the other 90% don't count. Hell, adjust that percentage anyway you want, but the fact is stem cell research does something good with this waste. This research is not killing anything to begin with, and the embryonic cells are bound for the medical waste bin already. If he really wanted to preserve every last embryonic cell, he would want to outlaw fertility treatments. The last time I looked, there were a lot of unloved kids waiting to be adopted out there. This is nothing but cheap political theater:

"To reduce this issue to an abortion issue is a horrible injustice to 100 million Americans suffering the ravages of diabetes, spinal cord paralysis, heart disease, Parkinson's and Alzheimer's disease, cancer, MS [multiple sclerosis], Lou Gehrig's disease and other fatal, debilitating diseases," said Rep. Jim Ramstad, a Minnesota Republican.

"What could be more pro-life than working for a cure for a loved one?" asked Rep. James Langevin, a Rhode Island Democrat, another of the bill's 200 co-sponsors, who suffered a spinal cord injury at age 16 and cannot walk.

So let's protect a cluster of cells, but treat real animals like just another product. I'm not a member of PETA by a long shot, (god I love bacon), but I believe one needs to at least be consistent if they want to be a self-righteous prick. Shit, think about all the human beings already here and in other countries, the real human life being thrown away everyday. Some of these politicians seem to have more sympathy for a blastocyte* than they do an actual person suffering from a war's "collateral damage", starving to death, or dying from an easily preventable disease. (Sorry, didn't mean to get all Sally Struthers on ya).

Yup, we are back sliding philosophically into the Dark Ages, while we grudgingly advance technologically, (ironically). I'm not saying there aren't some ethical concerns that need discussing, that is the case with any applied scientific research. And embryonic stem cell research is not a panacea, the fountain of youth, or immortality. But the current level of ignorant, fundamentalist thinking even astounds MY cynicism!

Even basic birth control is being attacked in this country. Trained pharmacists are not dispensing the pill to women in some places. This concept of "life" is moving further back into the biological chain of events. Next thing you know, there will be protestors around a pubescent boy in the bathroom trying to clean up after a nocturnal emission, chanting "Genocide!!!" Oh wait, we only attack women on fertility issues in this country, never mind.

This absurdity has reached comic proportions. In this light, I can't help but be reminded of a song...

An excerpt from Monty Python's "Every Sperm is Sacred" [from The Meaning of Life]:

Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate

Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

Have a good three day weekend, (if you have one), and jack one off to spite the fundamentalists, and in honor of Delay, the biggest jack-off of them all!

NOTE: Blue italics represent excerpts from the CNN.com article.

* "An undifferentiated blastomere of the morula or the blastula stage of an embryo." - just in case you didn't know and were too lazy to click the link above. This is what they use for embryonic stem cell research. If someone shows you a slide of something that looks like a shrimp, it is a much later stage of the embryo. They are either an idiot, a manipulative liar, or both. Please ignore them, and pick up a fucking science book!

Pot, I'd like you to meet Kettle

2005-05-27T10:09:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, nothing like a hot, steaming cup of irony in the morning! Tom Delay critized NBC for using his name in an unflattering manner in a recent episode of Law & Order about the slayings of two judges. In one scene, a frustrated cop says, "Maybe we should put out an APB for somebody in a Tom DeLay T-shirt."

If you will remember, this is the guy that said, "The time will come for the men responsible for this to answer for their behavior," when condemning judges who decided not to prevent the removal of Terri Schiavo's feeding tube.

Now, this is what he wrote to NBC, "This manipulation of my name and trivialization of the sensitive issue of judicial security represents a reckless disregard for the suffering initiated by recent tragedies and a great disservice to public discourse."

I don't think I have to explain this one to death. Of course, he didn't mean that people should go out and kill judges that don't follow his agenda, but he has a bad habit of trivializing real tragedy by politicizing it with very brazen, inflammatory language. The word "hypocrite" might not be perfect in this situation, but I don't think Delay has room to criticize someone for trivializing a "sensitive issue" or tragedy.

Don't even get me started on the whole "activist judges" thing. There doesn't seem to be a fundemental, consistant principal that dictates when a judge is being an "activist judge". It doesn't seem dependent on whether they uphold or overrule previous decisions. Nor does it seem to necessarily have anything to do with ruling laws unconstitutional or not. It doesn't even have anything to do with a judge's personal beliefs affecting their decisions, (as Bush's recent judicial nominees plainly demonstrate).

No, what is at issue is the independence of the judiciary branch. As long as they agree with the majority in congress, they aren't "activist judges", it seems. Frankly, these politicians slept through their government classes when the teacher was discussing the importance of checks and balances, (in elementary, middle, high school, and college), or they are a bunch of fucking asshole. I vote assholes.

Sorry, I guess I started.

Five questions, and what to do when someone passes out...

2005-04-28T17:48:00.000-05:00

Here are my five questions courtesy of ESSFingers.

1. If time off from work and money was no object, what is the one place in the world you would love to travel to and why?

I'd be happy just to go back to Hawaii. I always thought the place was a cliche, and that since I wasn't a beach person, it would suck. But it was incredible, and defied my expectations. Wasn't into the touristy shit, but I'd love to live there. Though, since I've already been there, I probably should try somewhere else. Japan would be interesting, but I'd probably want to go to Europe, (specifically, Ireland, England, or Italy).

2. What is the one thing you would like to change about yourself, physically or otherwise?

I wish I had more self-discipline. To have the clarity and courage to cut the bullshit out, and get something done without distraction. I have issues focusing, but that's not an excuse when it comes to getting something done. There are work arounds for distractions, and delays are natural, but my will power is completely under my control, it's all me. Doesn't mean I have to be perfect, it means I should stop trying to be perfect.

3. If you could have any kind of pet what would it be and why?

I would say a bonobo. Look it up, I'll wait. Yea, pretty cool, huh? But I wouldn't consider it a pet as much as a funny roommate, (who doesn't seem to be able to pay the rent), that's always masturbating on people. I mean, it's a real ice breaker. Someone comes over, doesn't realize they are sitting in the bonobo's chair, pisses her off, she tries to start a fight, and instead relieves the social tension by rubbing her cooter on their face. Hey, it's better than a chimp, those fuckers'll rip your arm off! "Cute and cuddly", my ass!

4. In what order do you put your clothes on? (underwear first? right sock first? etc.)

Underwear, then pants, then shirt, and last, the socks. I don't put the socks on in a particular order, (you know, I like to mix things up, and keep things interesting).

5. If there was one decision that you made between the ages of 15-18 that you could go back in time and change what would it be and why?

Shit, that's a whole other post. But frankly, I wouldn't change a damn thing. My mistakes, as well as my successes, are what got me where I am today, and made me who I am. I may have complaints about who I am, or parts of my life, but they are all my choices, they are all me. Besides, I'm pretty content, I have an idea of where I am going, and how I am going to get there. I also wouldn't want to change anything, and risk never having Jules as my wife. I know it's a cop-out answer, but it's who I am.

If you would like for me to ask you five questions...
1. Leave a comment saying "interview me" if you'd like to be interviewed.
2. I'll respond by asking you 5 questions here. They'll be differentthan those above.
3. Update your blog with your answers to the questions.
4. When you do so, include this same explanation and an offer tointerview someone else in the same manner.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you'll ask them fivenew questions.

In other news...

Went to the Wilco concert this weekend, and they were pretty good live. Show was even more interesting, due to Chris passing out. He was trying to get out of the crowd since he didn't feel well, and on his way out, fell to the floor. In the process, he had grabbed the end of my shirt. Afterwards, he commented he felt bad about grabbing my shirt. I thought that was a silly thing to feel bad about given the situation, (and especially since he didn't tear it).

In fact, I felt bad because the first thing I thought when I saw him on the floor, holding onto the end of my shirt, was how the fuck he thought he was going to get up that way. The second thing, was that for a shirt I had recently commented felt like it had shrunk, it sure as hell could stretch a lot. Finally, I thought, "What the hell am I suppose to do in a situation like this? How am I suppose to help?"

The answer? Chris' brother, (thank god he was there). To read more about it from the source, go here. Again, Chris, I'm sorry I wasn't much help, (at least at that moment).

Another installment of ...

2005-04-22T09:29:00.000-05:00

STALL WARS: REVENGE OF THE SHIT

[This actually happened two days ago. I wrote it at the time, but well, you know how I am.]

Why is it that I find it so easy to talk about taking a dump, while everything else I write never seems to come to fruition? I guess it is a great mystery of our times, (or not). Anyways, on to the newest episode:

Once again, I had to take a serious crap. Not the squeezing out of a Lincoln Log, but instead, the nasty Ebola kind. You know, it feels like you're shitting out your guts a little at a time. The painful variation of "mud butt". And on top of that, I was wondering what the last spicy thing I ate was. Explosive, painful, nasty, burning defecation, (guess I need more fiber, and less dairy, coffee, and spicy food). The kind of shit that deserves some privacy, (if only out of concern for others).

Guess what? I didn't get it.

I went down to the other floor I used to use a lot, because it was usually empty. It hasn't been that way in a while, but I can't seem to get that through my head. I keep foolishly hoping for some sanctuary, to no avail. If you guessed it was ocupado today, you guessed right.

So I come back up, and check my floor. Someone is there, of course. So I go back to my office, and suffer. Not because I was unnaturally holding back the mud slide with all my might. It was just so bad, the kind that makes you think you will grow a new asshole from your belly button and fart. If only that were so. I could hold out, but whether I would be in my office or a stall, I'd feel the same pain.

Thankfully, the pain passed. However, now things were feeling more urgent. So I get up and go to my floors restroom again. It has been fifteen minutes, and the same guy is in there. It's the same stall, and given some basic criteria, it's safe to assume it is the same person.

Thankfully, it sounded like he was wrapping up. So I go to a urinal, half because maybe peeing might help the urgency, and half to give me a convenient excuse to wait for a minute or so until the guy leaves.

It seemed to take much longer. What I hear when I came in sounded like someone pulling their pants up, or tucking there shirt in. But then it stops, and starts again. I started think the motherfucker was trying on clothes or something! Finally, the sound is interrupted by zipping. "Thank god," I think. Nope, more rustling. Shit, he IS trying on clothes!

The door finally opens, and I realize what caused the sound. The guy's shirt was either brand new, or the dry cleaners put an insane amount of starch on it. If he sneezed, it would sound like a newspaper blowing in the wind!

Of course, he takes fucking forever to wash his hands. You'd think he was scrubbing up for surgery! I would just go ahead and let lose, but I don't even approach the stall. I know, I'm weird, but I just have a hard time expelling my bowels around people I work around on a day to day basis. It's usually better when no one sees me, and I'm already in the stall. I'm just self-conscious, and taking a dump is a pretty private thing to me. Farting in public, especially in a profession environment, is a bad thing, but then I'm suppose to go in the bathroom and let loose in front of these very same people? Just seems odd to me.

So I finally settle down, and boy is it a bad one. People come and go, no big deal. Most of the worst part is done by then. Then I hear my boss's boss come in. He's talking to someone, and then one takes a piss, and the other sits in the stall next to me. I have a good idea the person taking a crap next to me was my boss's boss. Great.

Not too "vocal", thankfully. No grunting or moaning like he was giving birth to a brown baby boy, and minimal ass trumpet. By this time, I am trying to wrap things up, when another person comes in and sits in the other stall. The dreaded flatulence in stereo.

I guess some people don't mind the company, don't mind the chorus. I sure as hell have a problem with one other person being there, and I can't imagine hunkering down when there are two, especially, when there are only three stalls! I guess I should be glad there aren't more stalls, I'd probably choke to death. Seriously, what the hell is everyone eating on my floor!? I wouldn't be suprised if someone has tried to take a crap in a urinal before! And for god sake, what's the deal with all the "floaters" I come across!? The toilets flush themselves, is someone doing it on purpose? Are they trying to age the shit like cheese? And for what purpose?

Hmm...

I'm finally out of there, in the nick of time, before the third one really gets going. I wish the bathrooms were designed with more privacy in mind. Hell, gas stations are nasty, but at least you usually have privacy! Man, I wish there was a gas station or something around where I work, but no such luck.

Needless to say, another day, another shitty experience.

You know, I keep meaning to write...

2005-04-05T16:45:00.000-05:00

It's been over a month since I last posted, it seems. It's not like I didn't have anything to post about. I just keep on writing "essays", and talked myself out of posting them.

Take this for instance, (also found here). People in the South are "banning" some IMAX movies because they are either about, or even just briefly reference, evolution. They find it "blasphemous", and of course believe in "Creationism", instead. Many, if not most, of these theaters in question are located at museums. Now, the last time I looked, if you had a problem with evolution, the museum might not be the place for you.

However, it's not so simple. No one is protesting or banning anything, really. Some theaters in the South decided to screen these movies for focus groups, just to determine marketability. And of course, they decided not to show it because of the focus group. They pussied out, took the overreacting and overcautious path, because of the slight possibility of low ticket sales.

This has some unintended consequences. For instance, a hesitation to produce more IMAX movies of this nature. Since IMAX movies are not incredibly profitable, they don't have much room to rock the boat. (Though, I do find it funny that a scientific movie about evolution is "rocking the boat".)

And the reason I didn't write this last week when it happened? I talked myself out of it. I started asking myself questions, put it into the proper frame of reference, and it wasn't as exciting to write about as I first thought. Sure, I live in the South, with these very ignorant people. Tragedy? No, (though, it sucks). Nothing illegal, nothing immoral, (in my belief), and nothing threatening to someone else's rights. Just some dipshits, (and you know what they say about legislating common sense).

But when you think about it, most things in the news are like that. Some event is blown out of proportion, has misleading details, or is oversimplified, to make it more news worthy, (and thereby increasing readership, and hence, ad revenue). A contraversy is found, usually by listening to the loudest people, who usually happen to be the most ignorant. Ignorance feeds on itself, and then the next thing you know, you have Tom Delay on TV getting red-faced for some reason.

That's why you didn't hear this on the news that much, if at all. It didn't have much to warp into an issue. Maybe I'm being cynical, but it seems this way to me.

I have a bit more on my mind, that I will write about tomorrow, (if I don't procrastinate again).

And the winner of the second round is...

2005-03-03T13:31:00.000-06:00

Chuck WON ROUND TWO BY GUESSING Jenn!

There's your prize. But if that won't do, e-mail me, and I'll come up with something. I always have 50 Gmail invites I'm looking to get rid of, too.

Round 2

2005-03-01T19:32:00.000-06:00

I actually don't feel very good tonight. I have a headache, and just feel like going to sleep. However, I did promise round 2 of the game, so here we go:

I still haven't figured out any hints for this one yet. I kind of prefer if people just ask general questions until we narrow it down. Not that I am lazy, (well, maybe I am), but I just don't like coming up with shallow hints. Especially, since the person in question actually posted several comments on my wife's blog before, and struck me as nice and helpful. She was also a regular over at Chuck's blog.

So ask questions, like "Where is she from?" or "How tall is she?", blah, blah, blah, and we'll get going.

I don't think this is safe for work, but it isn't nudity either. But honestly, tell your boss to go fuck themselves if they have a problem with it. Here it is!

And the winner is...

2005-03-01T09:12:00.000-06:00

Extra Strength Surfing Fingers WON THE FIRST ROUND!

There's your prize. But if that won't do, e-mail me, and I'll come up with something. I always have 50 Gmail invites I'm looking to get rid of, too.

I'll do round two tonight, (I have no access to uploading pictures).

First New Game Submission

2005-02-26T22:37:00.000-06:00

Everyone who read my wife's, (now defunct blog), knew about the game. Pretty much, show a picture of a blogger's body part, (which they sent in), and guess who it is. There use to be a poem to go with each, but it sometimes proved hard to always come up with one, (okay, we're lazy). So I'm just going to list hints, and do a little bit of the ol' "20 Questions" in the comments section until someone gets it.

Also, if anyone has any suggestions for the game, please let me know. Depending on the response, and availability of new submissions, it may or may not continue.

So, without further ado...

Guess who that is? Shouldn't be hard if you read his blog. I really can't even start off with any hints, because it's too obvious. (And no, it's not me).

So Where'd Your Wife's Blog Go?

2005-02-25T12:36:00.000-06:00

Trash can, that's where. Why, she got bored of it. Frankly, she gets bored a lot when it comes to hobbies besides reading. If you have any questions, please let me know, and I'll pass them along.

I'm still here, and have no plans to go. I know, great consolation prize. I'll probably write more now, because of it. I might even convice "Sparkey" to guest blog now and again.

By the way, I will finish the game that she started. However, it will be done in a different way. No poem, I can't get through them that way, not very fast, anyways. I'll put ten hints after the picture. Some will be a little unfair, some more so. Ask questions, and I will respond in the comments section. Kind of like 20 Questions. I'll post one later this afternoon.

And if you have any suggestions for the game, let me know. I think I will just finish it off, but I might continue it, depending on the demand. Either way, I got complete this thing.

There's Nothing Funny About This

2005-02-23T15:46:00.000-06:00

My submission for understatement of the year: Cutting off someone's penis is wrong.

What the FUCK did THIS guy do to deserve his dick being cut off, and having it flushed down the toilet by his girlfriend!? Did he rape her or someone else? Did he cut off something important of her's? Did he sadistically torture her!? What!?

If this woman was just pissed off because he was breaking up with her, cheated on her, or something like that, I'll fucking scream. You don't just go chopping off someone's fireman because you are a "woman scorned". And from the sound of the story, it seems the case. If so, I hope horrible things are wrought upon her, worse than I can imagine, worse than the things I wish upon the fuckers who covered Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb recently!

Also, the news story stated the following: "She was charged with assault, domestic violence and tampering with evidence, and jailed without bail. " Somehow, 'tampering with evidence' doesn't seem to fully capture the idea behind FLUSHING SOME'S PECKER DOWN THE TOILET! 'Assault' just doesn't cut it, either. I'm sure the cops looked for the "penis chopping" category, before finally settling on assault.

And don't fucking shake your head at me, thinking I'm some stereotypical man, who completely centers his value around his dick! I don't care if it is an arm, breast, asshole, or whatever, (not sure how an asshole would work, and I don't want to imagine it), but ripping off people's body parts, especially the really valuable ones, for minor or imagined offenses, gets me pissed off! (This should be another big understandment). I just can't imagine being that twisted, (or incredibly stupid), so forgive me for being a little angry.

Anyway, if you have more information on this, and can clear things up, please let me know.

I almost didn't make this post, because ESS already covered it. But I found out about it on Slate, and it included an interesting factoid: "A single leech can suck up 10 cubic centimeters of blood from a severed penis"

Try using THAT bit of trivia at your next dinner party!

Maybe the title of this post isn't exactly right, the leech thing is pretty funny...

Shit Luck

2005-02-17T11:30:00.000-06:00

Well folks, it happened again, (sort of). Yes, that's right, another bathroom "adventure" I'll title "Stall Wars: The Poo Strikes Back".

I go to another floor to drop a chocolate donation off, (which you think I would have learned that said floor no longer has less traffic than my own). Anyway, I go inside, and hear someone coming up behind me. Normally, I would go on right through one side and out the other, not wanting to have a flatulence accompaniment. But I was feeling the situation was rather "urgent", and I was hoping the individual would not enter the bathroom, or at least, just take a piss, (where I could wait him out).

Guess what? No such luck.

He sits in the stall next to me and clears his throat/sinuses. You know, that deep, old man clearing. Like a hundred years of mucus just dislodged. I then braced myself for what was bound to happen. That disgusting anxiety you feel when a character in a movie is about to remove something covering a corpse, and you wonder how stomach churning it is going to be. Well, that feeling.

Fortunately, all that followed was a long piss, and then nothing. Longer wait, and still nothing happens. I still brace for it, but nothing. I start hoping that it was just a silent one. But you know what they say, "silent, but deadly", so I got ready to gag. But still nothing happened.

I wanted to take a shit, but I just have a hard time "letting loose" with people around. It has to be REALLY bad for me just not to care. But usually, the worse it is, the more self conscious I am, the more I can hold back. So as you can tell, it has to be pretty bad, frankly, pretty involuntary. I can't say it is completely a subconscious mental block, but there is a lot of that to it.

So back to the story.. he still hasn't gone. I'm talking about well over five minutes. I start worrying this fucker is jerking his woody haroldson, when I realize he might be waiting ME out. It was quiet, a little too quiet. He, just like me, could not want a "neighbor", and hopes I will leave soon. That, or he's constipated, which in this situation, isn't much of a difference. Or maybe he's asleep, or dead. In which case, I could be waiting for a VERY long time.

So I bat at the roll of toilet paper, (which you kind of have to in order to dislodge them, because those cheap ones barely move), and crumple the sheets like I am finishing up. I was hoping he'd decide to wrap things, (or wake him up), from the sound. Hell, I'd already flush the toilet once. It was involuntarily, those damn motion sensor toilets are a pesky bunch. You fucking sneeze, they flush, then it sprays you with water, and then it turns unnaturally warm for some reason.

Either way, he got the idea and left, without wiping or washing his hands. I guess he didn't go, (or else, he's quiet as a ninja, and dirty as a crackhead). No difference, time for me to shit, right? Nope.

I guess the impending mudslide somehow reorganized itself as a log for later time. Isn't it funny how you can be sitting in a chair, afraid you are going to crap yourself, and then when you are on the toilet, everything is perfectly calm? Or maybe that just happens to me, and only when I'm in a public restroom. Man, I fucking hate shitting.

That's how I'm never convinced by fundamentalist/dogmatic religious types. Why I never wonder, "Well, maybe I might be going to hell because I don't believe that X is true". Why I don't, and never could, believe in creationism. I'm not saying there isn't a God*, but if we were created from scratch, you'd think God would have found a better way to deal with animal/human waste. Yes, there are so many remarkable things that happen in nature, it's hard to think they are all a series of "accidents". But in our attempt to appreciate nature, let's not gloss over the mistakes and shortcomings.

I've got quite a list of said shortcomings, but I'll only emphasize one of the many, shitting. Was this really the best way God could come up with, honestly? Huge smelly chunks, (solid, if you're lucky), coming out of your backside. Pissing, isn't so bad in comparison. In fact, I could give God and the idea of creationism a pass on that one. It only smells if you eat asparagus, or sits around in puddles for awhile. But shit? I don't think there are many of us that won't gag at the thought of a shit smeared toilet bowel, a stained pair of diapers, or a finger accidently smudged by poo. THAT comes out your ass, man, think about it!

Then again, who says God didn't do it because he loves toilet humor.

As you can tell, I'm a little bored to be talking about all of this. Everyone I need to interact with at work is "busy". The person I was working with on a project is out, and the manager I am dealing with always seems to be swamped with e-mail, and still hasn't gotten back to me in over two weeks, (not my manager, just a lead on this project). I am being "proactive", just not as much as I could be. Call it a morale problem.

Guess I should finish my work that has little impact on anyone. At least I have my own office again, starting today. You know what that means, (monster dot com).

* Frankly, who says evolution wasn't the way he did it? How else do you think he did it, fairy dust?

Since everyone else is doing it...

2005-02-04T23:58:00.000-06:00

You can now see my heart in my profile, (see below):

Stab their eyes with a pair of scissors, right now!

2005-01-29T23:53:00.000-06:00

I have seen the face of the devil! I didn't believe in that kind of shit, until now. The source of this revolting evil shall remain nameless. To speak its name would give it power, and I would rather forget the nightmare! I would wish the foulest things upon it, in the most serious sense, but I would not want darkness to seep into my own heart!

Okay.. so I walked in while my wife was watching Saturday Night Live. She wasn't watching it closely, and frankly, there wasn't much on the TV tonight. The "musical guest" was performing, and I was commenting how horrible they were, when I realized the song they were playing sounded strangely familiar. I listened closely, and then my wife said, "Isn't that a Pink Floyd song?"

I thought about it, and tried to figure out which one it was. I was already nauseated by how craptacular they were, and this was just making me feel worse. They sounded like some sort of BeeGees cover band, and in fact, mentioned this to my wife. They were dressed pretty retarded, and dancing around just the same. I would describe it more, but it would bring back the nightmares. Lets just say, someone took the vomit from an all-night coke binge in the 70's, the afterbirth from Wham and a couple of other dance-oriented bands from the 80s, put it in an old filthy plastic cup, pissed in it, and then mixed it up with an insane homeless guy's diseased pecker. After dry heaving, I realized that the song was Comfortably Numb.

They turned a classic song, by a classic band, into a piece of shit! They took a depressing, meanlingful song, and turned it into a crappy pop dance song of the lowest order! If you like Pink Floyd, avoid listening to the "nameless-evil" I speak of, at all costs. To do so will put you into a fit of homicidal rage. Even if you do not like Pink Floyd, your mind will not be able to comprehend and handle the sinister, twisted imagination that would bring such a horrible piece of "music" to fruition. I know it sounds bad, but it is worse! Hearing it is akin to watching the tape in "The Ring". It is indescribable, and I would rather die than pass on the curse to my worst enemy.

I hope this "band" does not go far, and few hear them. To do so may bring the end to human existence. So if you come across them on the street, trip them. If you serve them food, take a dump in it. And if you are ever in the same city as the lead "singer", please track him down, and karate chop him in the throat, so the plague will go no further. I only wish I could provide you with more information.

Thank you, and may God bless and protect you from this darkest of evils.

(Frankly, this little rant was the only way to get the experience out of my system. I honestly do not want to add any publicity, of even the littlest kind, to this horrible act. It truly disturbed me that much.)

Cheney, what a guy!

2005-01-28T13:15:00.000-06:00

Well, Cheney made Americans look insensitive and uncouth, (again). Read this story for the full details. Maybe I'm nit-picking, but it was a pretty poor choice on his part. I always knew he was an asshole, but I at least thought he was intelligent enough not to dress up like an Eskimo to an event in rememberance of Auschwitz!

You think he would have asked his wife, and if not available, someone on his staff, "Hey, how do I look?" (Really not too much to ask, when most people do this all the time for far less important events).

And hopefully someone would reply, "Uh, Dick, hmm, you know, I just LOVE it, but maybe THIS would be even better", while holding up some appropriate attire.

"I don't know, it's awefully cold out there!"

"Well, Dick, maybe you should put your thermal underware on."

"But I feel like a jackass when I wear those things!"

"A little too late for that."

"What did you say?"

"Uh, I said, maybe you should try this hat."

Good God, Here's Another One!

2005-01-24T13:58:00.000-06:00

I'm afraid to go to James Dobson's website on this one, and see the details, because it might make me more mad than I care to be today. This article just makes me feel violent. Not because I am offended, just extremely irritated at his level of stupidity and/or ignorance. I get frustrated that human civilization has filtered out the much needed "natural selection". In other words, some people just need to be mauled by a bear, (or at least be allowed to drive without a seat belt)!

The Teletubbies, and now Sponge Bob. He's not specifically attacking him, but more its association and usage in an educational video for school, and what it supposedly teaches about homosexuality. Please read the article, and then see if you can track down the specifics. If it makes the situation more reasonable, let me know, so I can cool down, (for now). If not, tell me so, but not the details, (I need to wait for a better day to read it).

I'm not bashing anyone's religion. In fact, I remember Jesus, (Yeshua, really), talking and doing many things: criticizing religious hypocrites, not chasing money, helping the poor and rejected, forgiving one another and being tolerant, loving all including your enemy, turning the other cheek, treating others the way you would want to be treated yourself, etc. Now, I may have only a Sunday school education in religion, (well, and the History and Discovery Channel), and I know I am not a theologian, but I don't remember Jesus harping on about gay people.

Not necessarily saying he gave it his seal of approval, and I don't want to get into THAT debate, but if you had to summarize Jesus' teachings, homosexuality would not make the list. Hell, it wouldn't make the second level of detail down on the outline. So why is it that it seems to be the first thing some Christians talk about, and Jesus' primary teachings are put to the side?

Christianity, or whatever name you want to put on the ideals Jesus had taught, is not meant to be about going around judging people, raining hellfire and brimstone down on "the sinful". You help people with love, not condemnation. Many of these people sound like they read the Hebrew Bible (AKA Old Testament), skip over the gospels, skim the rest of the New Testament until they get to Revelations, where they become the happiest. Many of these people say that "all are sinners in the eyes of God", but don't act like it. They would give you the impression that they were an archangel sent by God to smote Sodom and Gomorrha and free America from the heathens. But in the end, they end up seeming more like the Pharisees than an angel, (or even a decent human being).

Okay, big tangent.. sorry...

Here's Your "Holy $#*!" for the Day

2005-01-24T13:37:00.000-06:00

I'm suprised ESSF hasn't mentioned THIS yet in her entertaining news oddity blog. There has to be more to this story, something seems missing. I can understand the toothache business, but I know the incident itself must have hurt when it happened. What did he think caused it, just the shock of the backfire, or something else hitting him? Or did it happen so fast, and the pain went away immediately, (temporarily), that he didn't give it much thought? I can't explain it, I'm having trouble just understanding it. But the math seems simple to me:

nail gun + backfire + "ouch" = "Oh shit, what just happened? Maybe I should go to the ER..."

And not having health insurance when using a nail gun!? I'm trying not to pass judgement on the guy, but what the hell!? Now if your job doesn't involve use of a deadly weapon, okay, I understand. Oh well, the article didn't go into additional details like that, so I won't harp on it, but seriously, read the article, and learn from it.

Also, check the Gmail invite offer I made below.

Mo' Money

2005-01-24T11:47:00.000-06:00

Well, my brother came over this weekend to work on his new business venture. It's an interesting idea, and seems to have potential. I would be helping him with the web functionality, especially, the database system. I have a lot of work cut out for me, but it seems like it will be fun.

Sounds strange to describe it as fun, but anything where I can use my professional skills in a rewarding way is great. More practice for my IT background, and not just the nuts and bolts stuff, but also the business analysis skill set. Working in a corporate environment can be frustrating sometimes, and having a nice blank slate is always nice.

Hell, if this works out, I could end up getting some extra cash. I'm helping out as a favor right now, but my bro tries to push the idea that, if this takes off, he'll pay me or cut me in. He honestly wants this to be as successful as possible so it can be an additional source of income, if not focusing on it full time. He even wants it to be big enough so I can come on full time, (if I want to).

My brother has had these ideas before. He's a marketing/entrepreneur kind of guy, but he often bites off more than he can chew. The ideas are always realistic, but often the target market is crowded, or involves first hand experience in something no one on the project has.

This one, however, is well thought out. Not to say he never had thought towards it before, but he understands all the details and complexities himself. He's gone over it several times, has it research, and has first hand experience with it in some way. It seems like a huge undertaking, but we can see all the pieces, which is comforting. The more I go over the idea, the more possible it seems. We'll see what happens, just have to remain diligent and positive.

By the way, if anyone out there in the blogosphere still needs a Gmail account, let me know. Just post a good, constructive criticism of my blog here so far, and I will send you an invitation. I doubt there will be many takers, (though I have more than a couple invites), since most people that know about Gmail, and want it, probably already have an account. Either way, it's worth a shot.

New Blog Idea

2005-01-20T21:39:00.000-06:00

Chris said I should blog about all my comments on other people's blogs. You know, create a link to the comments I make, I guess like a "best of " or something. God knows I post more on other people's blogs than my own.

I also think that my wife and I are going to start having our fights on the web. We both think it is easier to write out our thoughts than speak them, and we can end up getting free advice. Well, really, it's just to get people to root for our respective side. Hell, maybe there can even be betting on who will win.

I'd probably just throw a few fights for a quick buck. Fuck it, this idea has probably been done before, (but it won't stop us from fighting). Doesn't matter, our fights aren't that interesting, anyways.

My Birthday

2005-01-17T20:10:00.000-06:00

My birthday was this past weekend, and it ended up being pretty good. Friday, my wife and two of our friends got drunk, ate barbeque, and watched a movie. It was simple, but quite fun.

Saturday had a few bumps, but it ended up alright. We went with another friend out to eat and watched a movie, "White Noise". The movie was scarey at parts, but it was pretty slow, especially the beginning. It was a decent "popcorn movie", but nothing to get excited about.

Sunday was fairly low key. My parents came over, with my mom bringing along lunch and my present. My wife got me one of those new iPod Shuffle MP3 players. Pretty weird looking thing, reminded me of something out of "2001: A Space Odyssey", (like some "futuristic" square tampon). Still, it looks interesting and sleek. It has a nice sound, 512 megs of space, (and it didn't break the bank). Good idea, and it was a total suprise.

I know more happened than that this weekend, but I find it hard to write about mundane things. Not that I don't appreciate the little things in life, but publically writing about them doesn't sound appealing. Some people have more exciting things going on in their life, good or bad, or are very good at making their day to day life very readable. I seem to lack that, or don't have the drive.

Actually, I think it's more about recounting a few days at a time I have a problem with. I need to write the day it happens, or the details get fuzzy. Also, I think it's lazyiness. It becomes a post containing multiple days and I lose interest after writing down the first day of activities.

So I guess that means I should write more often, we'll see if that happens...

They can fire you for that?

2005-01-12T13:46:00.000-06:00

A friend sent me an article located here. It details a blogger that got fired from work because of his blog. At first I thought, "Chris?", but it was in the UK. The details are what get me: he only had two posts related to his work, they were pretty tame water cooler "my boss sucks" comments, no sensitive information was revealed, and the best part, he worked for a bookstore! You really need to read it for the full effect. I'm not sure what his company was thinking, because NOW they have bad publicity. I'm not sure if they have a good explanation, but I'm interested to hear it.

Speaking of which, I still haven't figure out that Tom Delay congressional prayer breakfast incident. The media didn't mention it at all, (because they're all liberal, right?), even though it was caught on video and on MP3 format. Maybe it just looks bad on the outside, maybe they read flood passages all the time, (hell, I know there is at least one more in the Bible). Maybe they have people that get up and read passages from the Bible who don't precede or follow up with commentary, (seriously). There must be a reason. I know not everyone watches CSPAN, (okay, most people don't), but it was a recorded public event, you think they would have more sense.

Hell, even my company thinks farther than that, and they don't have any obligations, AND it was a private event! An internal company video was created for a meeting, which had large crashing waves in it, (part of brand imaging). It was a large meeting, one of many, and our company is very large, (global), so the videos are professionally produced and very expensive. To make a long story short, instead of spending a lot, (and I mean A LOT), to edit the possibly offending images out, (giving the timing of world events), they spent the money they would have used doing that on direct aid to the tsunami victims. Pretty smart, when you think about it.

I can't say the same about DeLay.

Crap, I vaguely and anonymously mentioned work, I better start looking for a job.

Sorry for the DeLay!

2005-01-11T21:10:00.000-06:00

I hope you have heard about this, but if not, the gist is this: Tom DeLay was at a Congressional Prayer Service last week and read Matthew 7:21-27. For those of you, (like me), who never got any gold stars during Bible board games in Sunday school, the passage mentions a flood that destroys a house built on sand. Now, I know excuses may be going through many of your heads, but given the recent tsunami it was either incredibly stupid, or incredibly cold. Coming from Bush, I would choose the former. However, given that it is "the Hammer" we are talking about, I tend to go to the latter. What makes it pretty cut and dry for me is that there was nothing preceding, or following, the speaking of the passage. Who know, there may be an extenuating circumstance, but I'm not giving DeLay the benefit of the doubt.

If you want to check out an interesting blog discussion of the incident, go here. Also, CSPAN has the video of the event in their video archive. I'd post a direct link, but when I did it, it was http://www.cspan.org/VideoArchives.asp?CatCodePairs=,&ArchiveDays=100&Page=5, but obviously, it has changed given that it was a search result.

Even though I think ol' Tommy boy is Damien, the anti-christ, or at the very least, Machiavelli's wet dream; I'm not some sort of "liberal conspiracy theorist", I'm not Michael Moore, or this guy I know that says Al Franken is a Republican mole. (He's always going on about his teeth, "plaque conspiracy", metallica, or something; I don't know, he was high at the time). I'm just a guy that writes run on sentences that go no where until I doubt my own sanity and pass out.

It Hurts Worse Than You Think

2005-01-04T13:07:00.000-06:00

I was eating some pizza for lunch a minute ago, and something strange happened. I frequently put crush red pepper on pizza, but this time, made the mistake of sniffing for a split second while I took a bite. You know that feeling you get when you eat too much spicy food? When you take a dump and jump up and scream, "My biscuits are burning!" like Yosemite Sam?

Well, imagine that on your face...

So for future reference: if you ever had a burning desire to snort hot pepper seeds, it's a bad idea. Or if you are just careless like me, you've been warned.

I sneezed A LOT! People don't sneeze because pepper "tickles" their nose, like in some cartoon. Oh no, they sneeze because the nose is screaming, "Get this fucking thing out of me!" Or maybe that's just red pepper, but I don't think I will try black.

But let me repeat, I did not do this on purpose! It was an accident, and this is not going to become some "Jackass" like blog. I might act like a jackass every now and then, but I don't do it on purpose, and certainly not for fun.

Although.. if not for fun, then for what? (Nevermind.)

Where to begin...

2004-12-29T10:28:00.000-06:00

Wow, I have let myself go. So what's been happening...

Well, as the title alludes, I'm not sure where to begin. Oh well, I will miss a lot, this isn't a diary, so it'll just be stream of thought.

Christmas ended up being fun, both at my wife's parents, and at mine. Sparkey's nieces came back with us, and we've all been having a good time. New Years Eve will be a little strange with the girls there. Our friends still have plans to come and get smashed with us, so it will be crowded to say the least. We have a house big enough, but it will still be to capacity, (two extra bedrooms and a couch for five people).

I'm not as worried about people drinking around the girls. They know the people that are going to be their, and they are good people. The girls are young teenagers, but no one is going to get totally messed up, (we all know better because of our college years). Still I feel a little irresponsible. Their mother knows about it all, and even said, "You can let them drink a little, just don't let me know about it." Frankly, I really am not going to let them. Anyways, when we drink, we end up watching movies and playing video games. Wild we are not.

I probably won't much drink, just so their is at least one sober adult around.

Their is more in my head to write, but I can't sort it all out. Especially a weird conversation I had with the wife last night. I understand what she meant, and I'm glad she shared with me, but it was all disturbing, all the same. Nothing that affects our relationship, but when you grow closer to someone, you become privy to deeper, less fully formed thoughts.

Anyways, I need to make a new story for Cheaper Than Meat. I took a "7 Habit of Highly Effective People" training class for work, and it inspired me.. in a bad way... :)

The Post Because I Have Not Posted Lately

2004-12-18T01:04:00.000-06:00

I'm still trying to write a really fucked up story for Cheaper Than Meat. I took that 7 Habit of Highly Effective People this week, and was suprised that it wasn't a total cultish mess. I actually got a planner because of it, and feel more organized. On top of that, it inspired a twisted story that I will hopefully post this weekend.

For the course, we had these anonymous profiles we got from people in our lives. We give like six of them out, and the scores and comments are pooled. Some of it was really rough, and I felt a little hurt. I can handle advice on communication and focus, both of which I have a problem with. But a few other things burned. Some of it because it was too true, some because it was harsh. The former only ended up helping me, the later, I wrote off because I kind of figured out who it was. (A person who gives advice better than takes it, a person pretty insensitive for a person so sensitive).

If you haven't seen the hole in my ceiling yet, go to Sparkey's page. Good news, we decided a better way to wire our speakers. Bad news, we have a new project, the hole in the ceiling. It started a fight because my wife thought I was mad at her, when in reality, I was tired and did not want to think about the work to repair it when we were already have a hard time with the wiring. I love her, and there is nothing to forgive, and no ill feelings of any kind. In fact, I'm kind of glad it was her than me. The attic is not fun to crawl around in, and I am bigger and clumsier. I would have fell clean through it! And this way, we were "forced" to see a simplier solution.

(Please don't write me back angry babe, don't misunderstand me and think.. uh, nevermind) :)

I don't even know how to title this appropriately...

2004-12-07T13:52:00.000-06:00

This story, (Police: Woman runs over teens after golf ball hits her car), is seriously fucked up! I decided to eat lunch at my deck today, and after finishing up, didn't feel like going "back to work" just yet. I had finished reading some blogs, and the only thing I could think of was to check out the top stories on the CNN website. Boy, was that a mistake! The headline doesn't do it justice, ("injustice", might be a better word), you have to read the details to get the full shock. I can't comprehend it, honestly.

After writing my previous blog post, and me thumbing my nose at the mainstream media, you think I wouldn't have done this. I would say this was another attempt at the media using sensationalism to exploit tragedy for the almighty dollar, while in the process, making us all more cynical and jaded.

But CNN wouldn't let me have it. Right below it was the headline "Tipster turns down $40,000 reward for murder arrest". It's like they were trying to balance it out on purpose, (think it will take more than that, though). It all seems a bit sicker when you take this into consideration. Or maybe I'm just too cynical, (gee, wonder how that happened?).

One addiction beat, ninety nine more to go

2004-12-05T15:16:00.000-06:00

I realized the other day, I beat an addiction, without even realizing it. I use to read editorial websites at work too much. I would load up a couple, and then open additional windows for each article. Hell, I'd cross-reference other sites to verify accuracy and bias. Sound strange? Well, I guess it was.

I'm overly opinionated on many different topics, but also fairly knowledgable. My addiction was the reason why, I suppose. But thanks to blogging, I didn't have time for it at work, or more importantly, did not care about it anymore. Blogging seems a lot more interesting.

I use to go on slate.msn.com, and visit their forums all the time. And this was only one of many places I went during a day. Needless to say, productivity suffered. But after blogging, I realized it didn't mean shit. I'm not going to find truth in someone else's political/philosophical opinion, whether it is because I appreciate it, or because I disagree with it. It may add another dimension to my knowledge, but a dimension to what?

The world is a complex place, and there is little in it that helps clarify it. The mainstream media is shit, and most other places seem marginalized and incomplete. It's hard to keep up these days with what is really happening.

Add to that the fact that most people seem to want to be seen as right, and not actually know the truth, and you see where I'm going. I can research something to death, but if I get caught off guard, even semantically, I'll be responded to with a smug grin and half-witted gainsaying. Just watch things like Fox News or any "debate show", it's a joke. Childhood arguments have not changed, just the vocabulary.

I have a saying, "Who is the greater fool, the fool, or the one who chooses to argue with the fool?" I guess I should have taken my own advice. Not trying to sound arrogant, but there are a lot of fools out there, and many of them have jobs in politics and the media.

Does this mean I think that all truth is relative, or cannot be known? Eh, hell if I know, but I'm still going to read the news and dig deeper behind the stories. However, I'm not going to be a news addict, there doesn't seem to be a point. I'll still take an active part in the world around me, but I don't think I'll be buying that Nexis-Lexis subscription.

What reading and writing blogs has done for me is seen what really matters. Not the hype of convoluted news, but people's lives and inspirations. There are blogs about politics and news, and I know I have posted a few related things, but the most meaningful blog posts I've read have been ones that were personal to the author. That seems to be more real to me. Life is not another tick of the news cycle, but every individual life in the world. From the mundane, to the dramatic. The fictional works, or the slice of life. This is what matters, and not another sound bite on CNN. If this world is to survive, we must stay connected to one another, no matter the cost. The alternative is a reality filtered through the eyes of a few. That would be no kind of reality at all.

Thank you to everyone who has shared a part of themselves, whether on their blog, or just posting a comment.

A little privacy please...

2004-12-02T14:57:00.000-06:00

I hate taking a shit in public. I'm not some obsessive compulsive clean freak, (though, I do have my limits), but can a guy get some privacy when he takes a shit!? Maybe I'm one of the few guys out there that doesn't want to swap smells and sounds from my nether regions with others, I don't know.

What's worse is when it is with people you work with. I try not to take a dump in any public restroom. I usually always hold it for home, unless I am REALLY desperate. But when you spend 8+ hours in one place, that's not always possible. And that is the problem with work.

Thankfully, there is a restroom that is usually vacant in my building. It's on a different floor, but it is a short elevator ride away. I can usually go there and "drop a few friends off at the pool" in peace and quiet, (well, except for me, any ways). I think the floor is predominately female, so I am blessed with this alternative.

Lately, though, I think others have found this location. That, and I know of a few more guys whose office moved down there. When I go down there these days, there is a greater chance that someone is already squeezing out the Hershey kisses. I usually just come back later, it's better than the higher traffic restroom on my floor.

Today, however, was horrible. You could say that the "shit hit the fan".

I took a dump before coming to work today. I usually can't, because I'm not primed or something. Today, my guts were tore up, seriously! I thought I would have a shit free day at work because of this, until I took that first sip of coffee. Coffee doesn't always have that affect on me, but I wouldn't call it rare, either.

I go to the "alternative location", and there is someone already there. In fact, some guy comes in behind me. He takes a leak, but still, too crowded for "derailing the chocolate choo-choo". I go back to my floor, intent on coming back later.

My bowels would have none of that! The minute I got back to my floor, I just had to go. "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!" I go to my restroom on my floor, AND THANK GOD, it's empty! I sit down, and prepare for the worst.

Well, it got worse. I barely sat down when someone came into the restroom. I hoped they would take a piss and leave. Nope, he sits in the stall next to me. Worst of all, I was in such a hurry, I sat in the middle of three stalls. So guess who comes in shortly after?

Shitter #3. I have feces in stereo, listening to the ol' ass trumpet section! The restroom scene in the first Austin Powers, comes to mind during this episode. Shortly after, a guy comes in to take a leak at one of the urinals. It was like a restroom barber shop quartet! That guy leaves, and so does shitter #2. A couple minutes later as #3 is leaving, someone comes in to substitute. Finally that guy leaves, and another leaker comes and goes, and I am alone. I can finally finish.

I would have wiped and gone earlier, but as I said, I was tore up. When you get like that, your muscles get twisted up, and you just don't stop feeling like you need to take a shit. Not only that, but something subconsciously stops me from doing the full push with people in the same room.

I know this is weird, (and TMI), but it's probably the only interesting thing that happened to me all day at work. It's also something that always bothers me. I really don't want to know what my co-workers sound like when they had a bad breakfast. I don't want to smell their waste. I don't want to hear them grunting and sighing as they pinch a loaf off. I don't want to here them struggling like they are about to have a heart attack because some turd won't come out. Or worse, hear a shot gun blast of defecation into the bowl of water, having it describe to me in gory detail what it looks like.

Call me crazy, but it's a bit too personal. I don't want to be in some meeting and gag, or bust out laughing, when I talk to someone I had to sit next to. And I don't want the reverse, either. I'm not asking for posh accommodations, or even something large. Just a small, enclosed and isolated stall with it's own fan, kind of like a guest bathroom. It's probably unrealistic, especially for a large building, but if I ever get say into a public restroom's design, that's what I'd do.

Sorry if I spoiled your appetite.

Cheap Meat

2004-11-30T13:14:00.000-06:00

Crap, it happened again. Haven't posted anything in a while. I get caught up in other people's blog, that I forget to write in my own. The last week or so has been busy with Thanksgiving and visitors. It was a blast, and went by so fast.

Anyway, I'm focusing on another blog right now called Cheaper Than Meat. It's hard to explain, you just have to see it. Okay, it's not too hard to explain, but I already wrote on intro for it, so just look here. It's a fictional writing project with my wife, Good Husband, and myself. We'll see what panes out, it should be interesting, at least.

I'm going to make my first post tonight, (not counting the introduction). I'm afraid it is a little fucked up, but it came so naturally from GH's post. I really don't think this way, it's not my fault that the muse that has my ear is psycho. Okay, maybe muse is not the best word, (sounds pretentious, anyways). So check is out later today, it will be called "Tongue Lashing".

Oh, my head...

2004-11-18T09:38:00.000-06:00

No, myy head is not hurting from the wall today. What is it hurting from? Vampire Masquerade: Bloodlines, that's what. Fucking video game hang overs are the fucking worst! Ask Sparkey, and she will verify this, I almost went without dinner last night! That's how good the game was, how much it sucked me in. Thankfully, we have two computers in the house.

I know she is mad at me for not doing the dishes last night, but I swear, I will do them before I even boot up the computer! After preparing and installing my computer, it was time to see how it would preform on my computer. Their were a few hiccups, but I'm not sure if I need more RAM or a new video card, or if I should wait and see if a patch from the game makers will fix it.

Ever so often, I would ask my wife what time it was. It kept getting later, and I still had not had dinner. I did not eat until after 10 PM, even though my stomach was eating itself. It was hard to find a stopping place. It was hard to let it go.

The voice acting, storyline, facial animations, body movements, lighting, scenery, ambient sounds, and music all came together in pulling you into an experience, not a game. The realism was creepy, which made it even better, since it is a horror game after all. As an RPG, it is a blast, but the combat was only "just good". Not bad, it didn't take away from anything, but it wasn't its stong point. I pretty much agree with this review of the game, though, I don't like the whole "five star review" model, (did get a 4/5 rating, however).

I was going to make another post to Chuck's blog. It was going to be my Ode to Porn with plenty of links. Well, I didn't get to it, obviously. And besides, I couldn't top my wife's post. I was also going to have a tie in here to the post I made on Chuck's site. He makes "cum rag" references a lot, and I was going to offer him another suggestion: the "pinch" technique. I think you know where I am going with this.

Instead, later today, I will see if I can find something on the 'net that can describe it better than me, and perhaps learn something in the process. I will also reveal a new project, a new blog. It won't replace this. This will be my personal journal, my soapbox to rant, nonfictional stuff. The other, well, I'll go into that later.

But he's still a scat muncher...

2004-11-11T14:29:00.000-06:00

I made an earlier post questioning the validity of a Rush Limbaugh quote, (the one where he talks about selling weapons to Saddam). Turns out it IS fake, (I knew it was too convenient, but hoped it was real). I know he is an easy, (and fun), target, but the truth is more important.

An anonymous poster was the first to tip me off. I searched the 'net, and found an explaination here. Turns out to have come from a Boondocks cartoon strip. While disproven as an urban legend, Rush is still a scat muncher who reminds me of what Cartman from South Park would be like as an adult.

It's kind of funny, this blog makes me feel like that kid in Wet Hot American Summer that has his own radio show. Only thing is, it's not plugged up to anything. He keeps talking like he has this big audience, but he's just pretending, just talking to himself. Not complaining, I just think I might be talking my blog too seriously.

Something is wrong with your map, dude!

2004-11-10T20:10:00.000-06:00

Two posts in one day!? Yep, politics and sex should not go together, (someone should remind politicians). In a post a few days ago, I showed the striking resemblance of the "Bush Country" map to a population density map, (I also included a link with more information). In case you missed it, (or just didn't read it), here it is.

For another demonstration, check this map out. They change the proportions of the states based on population, while leaving them colored based on which party won them. I'm not trying to make excuses for the loss. But as mom always said, you can be a poor winner as much as a poor loser. For someone who didn't win by a land slide, they are sure gloating like they did. Just thought I would put things into perspective, (oh wait, nevermind).

Here's another version of it, (to view the details on it, the other map, and general information, go here). This last one shows what it would be like to study U.S. history or politics while tripping. Can't say that I have done that myself, so I can't be too sure, (well, I haven't done both at one time).

It gets worse. It seems that, from this map, the Civil War didn't really settle anything. Well, I live in the South, (as my wife likes to remind me)*, so it's not a big surprise to ME.

Anyways, I heard people talk about these maps for a few weeks now, but thanks to Salon.com, I got some links to share.

* I use to think I leaved in Texas, or the Southwest, and not the South. As I have grown older, I realize what a crock of shit that was.

Or, they could have just used a vibrator...

2004-11-10T20:00:00.000-06:00

You ain't gonna believe THIS shit, some doctors accidently made the Orgazmorator from Orgazmo. They nick named it the Orgasmatron, and it doesn't shoot a lazer, (it is connected to your spine), but it's the same fucking idea. So using it as a weapon is out of the question, and a vibrator would be easier and cheaper.. but damn it if it ain't cool. Check it out:

"Good work, Choda Boy!"

A scientist, (center), stumbles across the Orgasmatron

And another thing...

2004-11-09T13:22:00.000-06:00

Just thought I would point out, I added a few pics to some old posts on this blog. I meant to do it sooner, but I kept forgetting. Also, please don't be afraid to comment on anything, I need feedback. Whether it is just a dialogue concerning something I said, constructive criticism of my blog, or just heckling, go for it, (but if you heckle, I will heckle back)!

By the way, is it a bad idea not to allow anonymous posting to a blog? I did not intentionally mean to have it off, it's just the default setting in Blogger. While I don't like being at a disadvantage with names, (well, usernames), I don't want to dissuade anyone from interacting with this blog. On the other hand, I've seen what anonymous posting can be like on other sites, and it makes a bathroom stall at a bar look like a philosophy lecture.

It's Mourning in America

2004-11-08T22:35:00.000-06:00

Between trying hard to find the right words to say about the election, and having problems with my Internet connection, it's been a while since I have posted anything. I know I said I would try not to be a perfectionist, but guess what happened? Oh, and if you haven't noticed, my blog is all black now. I'm in mourning over the outcome of the election.

Do I blame Kerry for losing? No, I blame the Democrats. Honestly, am I the only one that remembers that a month before the primaries, Kerry was tainted goods? Remember how he went on Jay Leno on a motorcycle in a last ditch attempt to save his floundering campaign? He was a boring wind bag senator from Massachusetts, why didn't they just let Ted Kennedy run while they were at it? At least ol' Teddy would be kind of fun to watch.

They still haven't realized yet, that if they get more moderate, Republicans will just move further to the right. They can advocate pray in school, and they would still be called "a bunch of limousine liberals" that didn't go far enough! They can change their content all they want, but none of that matters, if they have a bad image. Bush called Kerry a flip-flopper, and it stuck. Did it matter that Bush flip-flopped on far more dangerous stuff than Kerry, (like Osama Bin Laden, nation building, and the Department of Homeland Security to name a few)? No, because Kerry fit a stereotype, and Bush seemed like a "regular sort of guy".

If you look at the last twenty years of politics, the guy with more personality won. Don't believe me? Try it yourself! Bush was the crazy friend, that though he was a little slow, was a blast to hang out with while drinking. Clinton was your cool friend whose dick always got him into trouble. People say they want a leader, but in fact, I think they are just casting a sitcom in their head. People like Kerry and Dole would get very low ratings on TV.

Do I really think people are this shallow? You bet your sweet ass I do! The right to vote is not the right to intelligence. Now, while I don't think EVERYONE is this stupid or shallow, you have to remember these famous words:

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
- George Carlin

I think both sides each have some good ideas, but they are both stubborn. If they got along, they might actually get something done. If they didn't create controversies between one another, we wouldn't have as many problems. If we didn't have as many problems, what would politicians do? They're trying to create job security for themselves! Remember the marketing credo, "Create a problem, then create the solution"? Republicans are doing so well right now
because they are better at marketing their solution than the Democrats! That, and right now, they are better at creating problems.

Case in point: Bush, and many others, are calling the election a "mandate" and that the "people have spoken". Let's look at the numbers: Bush won 51% of the popular vote, while Kerry won 48%, (1% said "ah, fuck it!"). That is a 3% lead over Kerry, that is a majority of 1%! I do concede, (like Kerry), that even 1% is a win. Yet, an introspective person would say to themselves, "You know, the people have spoken, but they are still a divided voice. I barely won, why is that? What can I do to better represent the people?" Maybe that IS going on in his head, but you couldn't tell with this "mandate" shit and his sloppy grin. That grin he always wears, no matter how grave the situation, that says, "Hey Dick, com'ere a sec, I gotta dirty joke to tell ya!"

Only a marketing genius, (see Karl Rove), can turn a 1% majority, or a 3% lead, into "mandate". Where between 50% and 51% does it become a "mandate"? Where between a dead heat and a 3% lead does it become a "mandate"? Notice how they didn't say "landslide". This is the definition of "mandate": A command or an authorization given by a political electorate to its representative, (Source: Dictionary.com, The American Heritage Dictionary definition). Any definition you look up is boring, but the connotation the word has is one of authority and certainty. And that is what they are good at, implying a lot, but saying very little. As I said, they're a bunch of marketing whores, but they're good at it.

Another example: that "Bush Country" bullshit. "See all this red? This is Bush Country!" Yes, and if you claim the sea in the name of America, make the area its own electorate, and put a guy named Bob on a house boat out there as the only voter, the vast majority of the world could be "Bush Country." At least, that's how their logic goes. Screw one person one vote! Land mass, that's the ticket!

BuSHIT County

Reality.

(For more on reality go here: http://www.makethemaccountable.com/misc/Maps.htm)

Hmm, I always wondered how Bush planned to rule the world. Middle East ain't working out too well, so maybe I should call Karl Rove with the idea. Compared to their other plans, this one is far more realistic. (Kind of funny that a powerful conservative is named after Karl Marx. Then again, he is a NEO-conservative.)

I shouldn't be surprised, they're pretty good at carving up a map to their own designs, (call Tom Delay of Sugarland Texas if you have any questions about it). But honestly, the election is over, and now it's time for them to put their money where their mouth is. Now it is time to actually start helping us instead of just being a party whore. You can't get re-elected, and there is nothing really after this. Unless you lie about a blow job or something, you won't lose your job. So why don't you do away with the bullshit already, and actually do some good?

Look, I don't care if it is a moderate Democrat or a moderate Republican, not too much of a difference in my opinion. This nation's political parties have an identity crisis to work out, but in the mean time, can we just have a sensible, reasonable, capable president to just NOT fuck anything up? I don't want a president to have a "legacy". I'm not looking for a race car driver, I'm just looking for someone that is sober enough to drive. But it seems all we ever get is a bunch of drunk race car drivers. I'm not asking to do away with the car, or the driver, but can we get a more sensible car, and a more reasonable
driver?

One last note, Ted Poe ended up beating Nick Lampson. Ted Poe, the Republican, is a crazy judge along the lines of Judge Judy. Nick Lampson, the Democrat, was the incumbent for many years, had a high rating from the NRA, and an endorsement from the Houston Chronicle, (which tends to lean to the right). Ted Poe had plenty of money, (from Tom Delay, obviously), tons of negative advertisement and gay baiting from the RNC and conservative PACs, and a shit load of signs littered across the road side.

If that doesn't prove my theory, well, then noth.. ah, something will...

Rush is a scat muncher!

2004-11-01T20:33:00.000-06:00

I have discovered something. I can make a post that isn't five pages long, that isn't some thought provoking essay. Perfectionism is going to kill this blog if I have that attitude. I just need to post, fuck it!

I hate to come across like I make a hobby out of bashing political pundits, especially extremists, (they're such easy targets anyways). I honestly think that half the listeners/readers of these people do so to get pissed off. To have any easy target, something to point at and hate.

But damn it, sometimes irony is so thick, it can't be helped, they have to be called out and posted for all the world to see, (or at least a couple of "blog pals" and some random people looking for porn)! I don't know if this quote is real. It was posted on the http://slate.msn.com message boards, "The Fray", by someone. I wanted to contact them directly, but the boards don't display e-mail addresses. So as always, I will put the burden of proof on the poster, and not ol' Rush, (though, I wouldn't put it past the cock sucker):

"And now the liberals want to stop President Reagan from selling chemical warfare agents and military equipment to Saddam Hussein and why? Because Saddam 'allegedly' gassed a few Kurds in his own country. Mark my words. All of this talk of Saddam Hussein being a 'warcriminal' or 'committing crimes against humanity' is the same old thing. LIBERAL HATE SPEECH! and speaking of poison gas... I SAY WE ROUND UP ALL THE DRUG ADDICTS AND GAS THEM TOO!......."

Rush (Oxycontin) Limbaugh, November 3, 1980

NO Kitty, that's my pot pie!

A little to convenient, if you ask me. I went searching for this on the Internet, and could not find actual varification. I had my doubts, but after reading other comments by Rush, it fits right in line: inflammatory, partisan bullshit that comes back to haunt him, (see: drug use).

So, a little challenge. See if you can help me find something to properly prove he said these things, (no fakes). In light of current event, it would be good for a few chuckles, it not fuel for some rage. If you find an audio clip, well, I'll have to come up with some sort of suitable prize.

GO VOTE MOTHERFUCKERS, NO EXCUSE!!!*

* (Well, unless you are ineligible to vote)

Better late than never...

2004-10-30T15:11:00.000-05:00

This post has been delayed, but better late than never.

Well, when I asked the Nick Lampson campaign about why there weren't any of their signs along two of the major roads in my area, but a whole lot of Ted Poe signs, I got this response:

"I understand your concern about signs. The Poe campaign has hire henchmen to pull up our signs wherever they see them. So, I'm certain this is what has happened in your area. We have even opened a North Harris County Field Office on 1960 two months ago (102 FM 1960 West)."

There were a couple of other paragraphs, but it was all boiler plate, and not directly related to my inquiry. It all seems kind of strange, and I'm not sure what to believe, but during this election there is nothing I wouldn't put pass anyone.

In fact, since I'm in Texas, and obviously not a Republican, I was thinking about voting for a third party. Right now, they have vote pairing sites, just like in the 2000 election. And while there is some controversy behind them, I think they are a good idea. In 2000, people in swing states would agree with a person in a "safe" state, like Texas, to exchange candidates. For instance, a person in Florida would agree with someone from Texas to vote for Al Gore instead of Nader, and in exchange, that person from Texas would vote for Nader. The idea is, at present, 3rd parties don't have enough power to get elected. However, if they can get 5% of the vote, they qualify for federal funding, which in turn helps them be more competitive in future elections. For more information, see this article: http://slate.msn.com/id/2108641/

I believe we need more choices in this country to make it a properly working democracy. Unfortunately, I think Nader is a total tool. Not because of the 2000 election, but because of his general attitude and approach to politics. I could probably go into more detail about him in a future post, but right now, it's just another tangent. Maybe I'm being too hard on the guy when I call him a tool, but I really don't see him as much of a third choice.

I was actually thinking about voting for the Libertarian candidate. Yes, you read right. I'm not a party hack of any kind, and I still believe most of the Libertarians I've read or met are Ayn Rand "fuck the poor" types, but at least we wouldn't have the following from them:

1) Pseudo-morality debates that pander to the fringe, and distract away from real issues
2) An ill-conceived "war on drugs"
3) Warmongering
4) Corporate Welfare
5) Laws that robe us of our natural/god-given liberties
6) Racist immigration policies
7) Did I mention the drugs?

I don't totally trust them as far as the environment and education is concerned, but when it comes right down to it, I like an inefficient goverment. I'm not an anarchist, but I do believe one thing: individuals don't suck, but when they get into large groups, their stupidity gets the best of them. That's the reason why we have branches of government, why we have checks and balances. Too much power, especially when it is the highly "efficient" variety, is dangerous.

After 9-11, I saw things get a little too "efficient". People were scared, and were not thinking straight. They wanted something done now, and damn the consequences! People were afraid to question leadership and the direction of this country in general. They were willing to give too much power over to someone else, to make all their problems go away.

Of course, things never work out well when this happens. People sought leadership, and got exploitation. Where once we were united in tragedy, we were divided by fear mongering. I see the past four years, and I am not happy. I see what is on the horizon, and it looks like more of the same. I DON'T want to see "four more years" of the same.

Perhaps that is not the best expression of my feelings, of my anger and frustration, but it will have to do for now. This post took long enough to write.

I was also going to write about the Jon Stewart incident of Crossfire. I meant to write about it as one of my first blog posts. But the more I wrote, the more threads it pulled at. That whatever I wrote, it wouldn't do the subject justice.

But there is one thing I will say, some of the responses to the incident has pissed me off a bit. There are a lot people picking away at the guy, and ignoring the message. And even what they are picking at is stupid:

1) That "He's a hypocrite"

Give me a fucking break, it's a comedy show. Now while maybe not "Crank Yankers", and more political satire, it is not CNN. They rip BAD into a lot of politicians and media whores. They don't regurgitate the talking points, and offer real perspective in their satire. But during the interviews, if they treated their guests the same way, it wouldn't be funny. And that is their main goal, HUMOR. Now, if Jon finds a moment where he can be aggressive with his guest AND be funny, he usually does.

Not a perfect situation, but even as a "political satire", they are closer than the mainstream media to the ideal. THEY EVEN GOT A FUCKING PEABODY AWARD FOR CHRIST SAKE! This only shows how fucked up things have gotten, NOT how legitimate they are!

2) The "Clown nose off, clown nose on" Syndrome

Some people think that the above attitude is cowardly. That he criticizes the media, and then hides behind his clown nose. But again, even if you want to say that he is more than just a comedian, or that he can't have it both ways, you do have to agree that the responsibility of a "political satirist" is different than a journalist. That his show is not a debate show, but satire. That when people come on, he just keeps it funny. The real meat of the show has always been the satire, and not the interview.

3) That he's a partisan

Pot, meet kettle. Pot, kettle, meet a distraction. He doesn't hide his views, that's what makes it political satire, a point of view. But he's not a partisan, it's not constricted by talking points, but the anger against absurdity. You can say he is "left-leaning", but when John McCain comes on, they get along great. Not only is he funny, but he's a reasonable person. And John McCain is not the only person on "the right" that gets treated this way. Anyone like that gets responded to well. Yet, anyone who is a short-sighted, two-dimensional hack, will be torn apart both outside and during an interview.

4) The "Rudeness" Factor

Fuck you!

5) "What does he know?"

He's only a comedian, right? The guy is an educated man, first of all. Second, a good comedian takes a lot of intelligence and creativity. Especially, political satire. Especially, for a program that won a fucking Peabody Award! (I still think this is absurd!) So, see #4.

I know I haven't cover the whole thing very well, but it's my stab at it. Maybe someone can pick everything I said apart, and I can refine my rant. Or maybe I'll just ignore you. I don't know, I just think we need to stop the bullshit. Stop attacking the person, and listening to the messgae. Start being reasonable, and open our eyes to the truth. To look with our OWN eyes. To think for ourselves, and question authority. To not accept how the world is framed for us, but help refine things together.

Or, we can just keep this silly drama up, talk about the same bullshit at the watercooler tomorrow, and be lost in our own little delusions. Fuck it, let's go watch CNN or Fox News until we get retarded! Then when we do something stupid, (which we always do), we can blame it on someone else and still claim our self-righteousness.

Ahhh, I think it's about time to pop some popcorn, watch some blood, explosions, and/or sex scandels on CNN, and jerk off to Paula Zahn!

(I'd do this with Fox News, but I hate those assholes, and they don't got a nice piece of ass like Paula Zahn! I'm sorry, but Anne Coultier looks like a retarded horse in a blonde wig. I seriously don't understand why people think she is attractive. I really think she looks like a German lesbian tennis player. That, and she's a facist, seriously.)

A horse is a horse, of course of course

Speak English, you're giving me a headache!

2004-10-24T18:56:00.000-05:00

A big thanks go to my wife. Without her, I don't think I would have had as many readers right now.

In the comments page to my original post, Good Husband and I had an exchange in Spanish. I have no idea if he knows Spanish, but I know very little. Actually, the conversation we carried on, at least on my part, due to the translator on Dictionary.com. Let's just say, something got lost in translation.

After finally figuring out what he was saying, (something about how I was a Prohibition Party member because I shot the rest of the parties down), I came back with the following:

¿Ése es su razonamiento en que cree mí es un miembro del partido de prohibición? ¡Triste, muy triste! Usted necesita ampliar su mente un pedacito.

¿Usted piensa porque me río de las cajas de la gente, eso que es apenas una cuestión de la caja derecha? ¿O ésa quizá que tiene una caja más grande es la respuesta? No, ninguno de éstos es verdad. No es uniforme una cuestión de una diversa caja o envase formada. No importa la composición o la naturaleza de la caja, sigue siendo una caja.

Construimos la caja alrededor de nosotros mismos, y la realidad se ha convertido en la caja. No vivo en la caja, yo vivo en el que sea, apenas como usted. Todo lo que usted tiene que hacer debe parar el vivir en cajas. Usted inmóvil verá las cajas, pero no más de largo con la energía que usted les atribuye. Una caja es más de gran alcance que una nube en una forma familiar, usted la hace cuáles es.

¡Usted da energía a la ilusión, libera su mente!

¡Oh, y contestar a su pregunta, soy un extranjero! Creemos en solamente el partido intergaláctico que vendrá conectar a tierra elegido una vez, y la rotura violenta su civilización y rend sus cuerpos. ¡Eso la izquierda será esclavos y los juguetes del sexo para su demented fantasías anales!

¡Voto para J'h'lkv/Nader en ' 04!!!

What I meant for it to say was this, (the following text is what I put into the translator, and the above is what came out):

That is your reasoning in believing I am a member of the ProhibitionParty? Sad, very sad! You need to expand your mind a bit.

You think because I laugh at people's boxes, that it is just a matterof the right box? Or that maybe having a bigger box is the answer?No, none of these are true. It is not even a matter of a differentshaped box or container. It does not matter the composition or thenature of the box, it is still a box.

We constructed the box around ourselves, and reality has become thebox. I do not live in the box, I live in that which is, just likeyou. All you have to do is stop living in boxes. You will still seethe boxes, but no longer with the power you ascribe them. A box is nomore powerful than a cloud in a familiar shape, you make it what itis.

You give power to the illusion, free your mind!

Oh, and to answer your question, I'm an alien! We believe in only theIntergalactic Party that will come to Earth once elected, and smashyour civilization and rend your bodies. Those left will be slaves andsex toys for their demented anal fantasies!

Vote for J'h'lkv/Nader in '04!!!

Well, when you translate it back into English, (with the same translator), you get this:

That one is its reasoning in which I creates is a member of the prohibition party? Sad, very sad! You need to extend your mind a small piece. You think because I laugh to me of the boxes of people, that that is as soon as a question of the right box? Perhaps or that onethat has one more a greater box is the answer? No, no of these is truth. A question of a diverse box is not uniform or packages formed. It does not concern the composition or the nature of the box, continues being a box. We constructed the box around we ourself, andthe reality has become the box. Nonalive in the box, I live in whom is, as soon as like you. Everything what you must do must stop living in boxes. Immovable you will see the boxes, but not more of length with the energy that you attribute to them. A box is more long-range than a cloud in a familiar form, you do it which are. You give energy to the illusion, releases your mind! Oh, and to answer its question, Iam a foreigner! Let us create in only the intergalactic party that will come to connect once to chosen earth, and the breakage doesviolence to its civilization and rend its bodies. That the left will be enslaved and the toys of sex for his demented fantasies annals!Vote for J'h'lkv/Nader in ' 04!

My god, that is a fucking headache, I didn't even read it! If you did, have you ever thought about becoming a proof-reader/editor?

What!? Are you poe or sumthin'!?

I think we're all pretty fed up with this election year. More mudslinging, corruption, spin/bullshit, talking points, and just plain crappy choices. Sometimes, you have to ask yourself, do we really live in a democracy?

Case in point:

Every morning on the way to work, I drive by countless election signs. Yet, all these election signs are for one candidate only. The same signs in red, white, and blue telling me to vote for him, and nowhere in sight can I see his opposition. Nowhere along the same road, or a different road, or in the ENTIRE area can I see his opponent. I haven't seen it on TV, by phone, or anything. I do not even know his name until recently.

One day, I get one of those door knob advertisements, and it is for this very same candidate with all the signs. I read it and had a gag reflex. It stated his stances on various issues on it, and it was the current Republican boiler plate crap. After I stopped dry heaving, I was pissed. To give an example of some of the crap on it, he supports a gay marriage amendment, which of course, is always proceeded by the obligatory, "marriage is between a man and a woman", (maybe peppered with a little moral outrage).

Give me a fucking break. We are living in violent and uncertain times. We are at war, with many foreign diplomacy issues. The economy is not doing good, with many people having to give up careers and get ANY job, (if they're lucky), so they can pay their bills. And against all of this, which is only a very short list of our problems, you bring up gay marriage!? Are you out of your fucking mind!?

[Start Tangent]

We currently have legislation, the "Defense of Marriage Act", that handles this issue. But oh no, that's not enough! Let's tear into the Constitution! We don't want GAY people screwing up marriage. Why, think of what that means. If gay people can get married, my wife may start eating the neighbor's pussy! And then my son will turn into a pillow biter! Who knows, I might be next!

What is this, "Night of the Living Gay"!? When did giving someone else a right, that you already have, become a bad thing? We already have a high rate of divorce, single parent homes, domestic violence, and absentee parents. And guess who did that? Heterosexuals, not homosexuals.

Honestly, this is a bullshit issue, and that's why it pisses me off so much! I don't care if Chuck and Buck wanna fuck. I don't care if they want to get married. Hell, my favorite porn is when two beautiful women are making out and munching on each other's boxes! But if you think it's gross, fine, say so. Show your moral outrage if it makes you feel better, but don't make it a public policy issue, especially during THIS election!

[End Tangent]

Well now, imagine at least a half a dozen "issues" like this, including a very simple minded view of current political events, and you can imagine the "advertisement". I wondered, "Who is he running against?", and why haven't I heard anything yet? Well, I finally get a big hint.

One day, on my voice mail, I come across a political message "paid for by the RNC and not supported by any candidate". The message misrepresented the facts around the Home Land Security Act, and the events surrounding its passage, to take a pot shot at the incumbent. So basically, the RNC did the dirty work for their candidate because he's a pussy. And with a quick look up on the Internet, I see that the candidate the RNC message was bad mouthing was the candidate running against the fellow with all the signs on the road. Hmm...

At this point I think, "Why the fuck isn't the other guy putting up a fight!". The Democrat candidate running happens to be the incumbent and I've never seen any kind of advertisement or material of any kind! It makes no sense.

I live in Houston, so this should not surprise me, really. This, the town of George Bush, (actually, he's a Yankee). This, the town of that motherfucker Delay! Why should this surprise me?

What I'm going to try to do tomorrow is find the number for his campaign, if not his office, and ask what the fuck is up in the most civil of tones. While I hate the whole two-party system we have, I still strongly believe in democracy, and believe this nation should be a true democracy. I still believe in fucking REAL choices. This, in fact, is the reason why the current party structure bothers me. And in that light, I've got to know the story.

Because, while I hate all this elementary school "left/right" bullshit, I hate one sided fights even more. I'll let you know what I find out tomorrow...

Oh, and if for some reason you are a Republican reading this, and are pissed off, please see my initial post before you comment. And if you are a Democrat thoughtfully nodding your head, go see my initial post while you are here. And if you are a Libertarian, or something similar, just go whack off to Ayn Rand. In fact, I know what it will sound like:

"OOOooooohhhhh, I'm cumming!!! Fuck the poor, fuck the poor, ahhhhhhhh"

* SKEET SKEET *

Introduction?

2004-10-21T22:19:00.000-05:00

Introduction: Screw the intro! Let's be honest, there are only a few reasons I can think of for people to read a blog:

1) You want to read the intimate details of someone's life, making you feel like someone's else's life is as screwed up, if not more, than yours.

2) You are a party hack who either wants to nod blandly in agreement with "your side", or post vacuous inflammetory remarks in the comments section of someone "on the other side".

3) You came seeking information.

4) You came seeking porno.

5) You want a laugh.

If there are more, let me know so I can ridicule them, too. As for the ones I listed:

1) Let me get this out of the way, your life is more screwed up than mine.

2) If you are a Republican, go fuck yourself you Facist*! If you are a Democrat, go fuck yourself you Pinko Commie! If you are a Libertarian, Milton Friedman is a little bitch! If you are undecided, make your fucking mind up already!

3) If you get the majority of your news/information from blogs, especially Drudge Report**, I think it's time for a little introspection on your part, mmmkay?

4) If I come across a couple of interesting links, I'll post them.. pervert.

5) You will come to find out that when I try to be funny, I'm not very funny. I'm only funny by accident. Which is an accident, and what is on purpose, I'm not saying.

* Yes, I know the Nazi party was called the Nationalist SOCIALIST party, but it was a FACIST dictatorship, (sounds like an identity crissis). And either way, once you get extreme one way or the other, it doesn't matter what you call yourself, you are a totalitarian. Does it really matter which boot, left or right, is on your neck, (yes, I stole that from someone)? But then again, I wasn't calling you a Nazi, you were just EXPECTING me to call you one! I'm more careful than that, asshole!

** I don't care what hat he tries to wear, he's a fucking blogger, not a journalist. Then again, most news agencies have talking heads that squawk back the bull shit they are fed like parrots instead of journalists. So he's one step ahead, I suppose.

Not sure where all of this is going, but at least I have a Blogger ID now, and can stop posting anonymously. Now I have a complimentary site to my wife's, (which I will link to, once I figure it out).

Generally, I'm always in the middle of a good thought that goes terribly awry. Like that dream you have, and upon waking, you still have the barest of grips on. One step closer to enlightenment, and then you awaken more. You slip, forgetting everything. You question the dreaming mind, you question that whole other world, and write it off as another silly biological process manifesting itself.

And then you go to work, to school, run some errands, or watch some TV. The dream loses its potency as the day progresses, and you slip deeper into the trappings of civilization. It becomes a two dimensional memory, with a structure that makes little sense. Words no longer fail you, you end up failing them.

Many of my thoughts are like that, bigger than me. I would think many of us are like that, but I'm not sure. Or maybe I'm not making any sense, and I'm trying to find a lofty way to explain that I am horrible at communicating.

Either way, I feel like a pissed off Zen Buddhist monk. One foot in "reality", one foot in "enlightenment". But every now and again, wondering if I'm just insane. In the end, not knowing if I'm just banging my head against the wall, or if the wall is hitting me.

"How come people always flip and think they're Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. 'Ah'm BUDDHA!' 'You're Bubba!' 'Ah'm Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt...'" - Bill Hicks

See you at the end of this ride, and the start of the next, but until then, we'll miss you Bill...